


Celestial Circus

by DigiFlakes



Category: Alex Verus Series - Benedict Jacka
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-01-13 02:08:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21236375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigiFlakes/pseuds/DigiFlakes
Summary: Onyx runs away and joins a circus. Luna does, too, but less so.





	1. Second Chance

The fight between Alex and Onyx was magnificent. They fought like tigers with Onyx relying on his force magic and Alex on the fateweaver, a sword, and his divination. They were battling in Morden's mansion, surrounded by the bodies of Onyx's lackeys. Alex rammed his fist into Onyx's shield, feeling it break and splinter from the force of the fateweaver. Onyx was going for blood, but after so long without a fight, he was slowing down. Onyx thrust his hand out to Alex, but Alex dodged under his arm and shoulder threw him to the ground. Onyx landed on his back, his shield broken and weak. He could only watch as Alex brought the sword down. He braced himself for the pain, but it didn't come. At the last second, Alex had turned the blade so it would hit the empty spot between Onyx's side and arm.

"Morden left you," Alex said clearly, "because he's a sociopathic piece of garbage tired of raising another one. What did he expect? Did he think you'd turn out perfect when he tells you power is the most important thing you can have? Of course your stupid little brain would equate that with brute force! What else were you supposed to take from that?"

"He-"

"No, shut up! _Shut up! _Don't you _dare _try to defend that prick! He's a lousy master and he failed just as much as you did! He didn't teach you jack! Life would have been a hell of a lot easier for me if he did, that's for sure! You would have been off my back years ago and now look at us! I would have killed you. I want to. But that's probably what Morden wants. An easy out from having to deal with you. He wants me to do his dirty work. I'm not! I refuse! I'm done being everyone else's puppet! If he wants you gone, he can deal with you himself! But me? No, I'm walking out of here. Walking out with the slaves. And if you have any brain cells left in that ruined little psyche of yours, you'd let me, you hear?"

Onyx was speechless. Alex removed the sword. 

"_I should have been his aide,_" Alex mimicked. "_I'm his Chosen. _You can have Morden, okay? Go back and grovel at his feet. Maybe he'll take you back. _Maybe. _Don't know why either of you would want to be anywhere near each other, but go ahead!" Alex took in a deep breath. "Sorry, it's the adrenaline." 

The adrenaline had left Onyx the second his back touched the ground. He had been tiring out since about halfway through the fight and now all his energy was gone, leaving him breathing heavily on the floor. Alex stepped away when he was satisfied that the futures were clear and Onyx wouldn't move to stop him. 

"Forget Morden," Alex said. "Go start over."

Onyx rolled to his side and watched Alex walk to where Selene was hiding. He helped her to be feet and the two began talking quietly. Selene stole a fearful glance to Onyx before following Alex out of the ballroom. Onyx didn't move. He _couldn't _move. He lost again. This was the second time. No wonder Morden didn't trust him with anything. He wasn't strong enough.

_But that's not why Morden doesn't trust you, is it?_

Of course it is. It's always been about strength. But that's okay, because he could just train more-

_That's not why Morden left._

_-_and get stronger! Then Onyx will win the next battle, kill Alex, and win Morden's respect. 

_Morden left because of you. You as a person. You as a person was not good enough. _

And not just Alex, but anyone who gets in his way. He'd show Morden he was strong enough to be his right hand man again. Morden will beg Onyx to join him. 

_There is something inherently wrong about you that makes you unworthy of Morden's trust and respect._

No, no, _no! _This was because of Alex! It's always been because of Alex! 

_He wants to be rid of you. He gave up on you._

Onyx curled up on the floor, blood seeping into his clothes, half from him, half from the carnage around him. _No, it's not because of me! I can still prove myself to Morden! _

_Can you?_

The thoughts swarmed his head. He couldn't push them away this time. He used to be able to do it so easily.

Luna was in the Hollow. The last few days had been a nightmare. Anne was gone, Alex was distant, and she was pretty sure everyone was coming after them. Karyos was busy exploring and Luna was not in the mood to join her. She needed a distraction and she found it flipping through the TV stations. Karyos waking up must have somehow done something to the reception. Luna had no idea how or why, but magic can be tricky sometimes and it was hard enough getting the TV to work in the Hollow at all. All she knew was that everyone was speaking in an American accent and shows she had never heard of were constantly springing up. She'd have to ask Alex how to-

She stopped channel flipping as a bright advertisement burst on the screen. Images sprang up in rapid succession. Lively music was playing and people in gorgeous outfits were dancing in perfect sync under multi-colored lights. Ballet dancers who looked like they were dressed in literal snow and ice leapt across the screen. White horses jumped through a ring of fire and melted into water. A girl in a mask was seated on a silver hoop, singing above an adoring audience as lights flashed around her. Another girl was made up to look like a marionette who was moved by her strings. Couples dressed in black and red danced while fire traveled up their clothes, burning them away to reveal brighter fabric underneath. Mermaids swam up the glass of their tank to greet curious children. A woman dressed like a butterfly stood on a man's outstretched hand like she was weightless. Luna was immediately enchanted. The advertisement ended too soon, leaving Luna wanting more. The words, "Celestial Circus. Tell Your Story" appeared in gold across the black background. Luna switched off the TV and began searching for this circus online.


	2. New Beginnings

The next few weeks passed Onyx by in a fog. Everything was quiet. The slaves had been freed by Alex and the mansion was empty except for the remains of his friends in the ballroom. No, they weren't his friends. They never were. At best, they were associates. The place felt dead and forgotten. The halls were devoid of all life. The silence was suffocating and the only thing that broke the air was the sound of his own breathing. Onyx couldn't bring himself to go back to the ballroom. He kept it locked. When Morden returns, he'd probably-

Morden was never coming back. Deep down Onyx knew this. Morden had given up on him and now Onyx was as abandoned as the mansion. There was nothing to distract him from the truth. After all these years, Morden left him. He'd been by Morden's side since he was a teenager. Now he was in his late twenties and Morden dropped him like he was nothing. Onyx wanted to blame someone else, _anyone else. A_nyone who could take the responsibility of the rift between master and apprentice off his back. Anyone who could make him believe that he wasn't the problem. Anyone who Onyx could point to and say, "I'm still worth the effort. I'm still worth all those years. This person is the reason for our failure, not me. I'm still worth something." 

But there was no one.

Onyx fell into a depression. There was no crying, there was just a cold, empty spot in his heart. He wandered the halls aimlessly, thinking of nothing. He couldn't focus on the things that used to make him happy. For weeks he lived like a ghost, lost in the nostalgia of better days. Everything reminded him of the past. When he first moved in with Morden. When Morden would show him off to his guests. When Morden would tell him how much potential he had. The memories hurt him now and the walls of the mansion were a constant reminder of what life could have been.

Onyx didn't know what finally made him leave. One day, he just went out the front door, locked it behind him, and walked. He kept walking. He didn't stop walking until he realized he had a gate stone in his pocket. Morden had tons of them lying around the mansion and Onyx had grabbed the first one he saw. He couldn't remember taking it, but then again, he couldn't remember walking all the way out there, either. His mind was elsewhere and he barely registered opening the portal and stepping through. 

The air was warm and the sky was clear. Onyx was standing on the grass next to a park river. Families were sitting on the grass, completely oblivious to the closing portal and the person who stepped through it. Children were chasing each other and some were fishing with their parents. It wasn't crowded, but it certainly wasn't empty. Onyx looked in disbelief at the people who didnt notice the very un-subtle portal. 

He heard voices to his side and turned to see two teenager girls sitting on a bench, showing each other images on their phones. They were talking in American accents. They looked up when they noticed Onyx staring. 

"What?" one asked.

Onyx motioned vaguely to where the portal had just been. "Did you see..?"

"The weird thing? Yeah."

"And that doesn't...?"

"It was probably one of the circus people practicing their act. It's all smoke and mirrors."

"Circus people?"

The girl stared at him like he somehow lesser for asking that. "You're not from around here, right? Have you seriously never heard of Celestial Circus?"

The girl's friend elbowed her. "They only perform in America, smart one. He's British."

"What, they live under rocks over there?" She elbowed her back. "Everyone knows Celestial Circus. The tickets are like three hundred bucks each. They don't even need to travel. People come to _them._"

Satisfied with an answer, Onyx started to leave. He had meant to leave the park, but found it to be surrounded by ivy and flower covered fences. He followed along the perimeter to find a gate, but was distracted by the unmistakable static of magic in the air. Normally he'd be on guard with shields ready in a heartbeat, but this time he didn't really care if someone came to kill him or not. He turned to see where the magic presense was coming from. The source was nearby, but not anywhere near as close as it had felt. A magical sensation that strong must have come from someone very powerful. The source was hidden behind a wall of people, who crowded and pushed each other to get closer. Curiosity got the better of him and Onyx joined them. He felt the temperature dip slightly the closer he got to the front. A normal would think it was because of the shade or a breeze, but Onyx knew immediately he was in the presense of an ice mage. 

Onyx broke through the crowd and gaped at the scenery. There was an ice mage alright. She was dressed in a white ballet outfit that would put the ballerinas in Swan Lake to shame. She was standing next to a horse made out of snow. It looked very realistic and it was decked out in an icey saddle decorated with frost and icicles, and a bridle made from clear, glass-like ice. It was made to impress. That was certain. But it didnt stop there. The horse _moved. _It tossed its head. It shuffled its feet. It looked around. It wasn't alive. It wasn't _real_. It was all the ice mage puppeteering it to make it look alive. The woman posed with the horse as guests took pictures and little kids came to pet it. They thought it was a real horse. Fascinated by the craftsmanship, Onyx stepped forward and reached out his hand. The horse nuzzled him. When it moved, flakes of snow fell from its mane. 

"This is insane," he whispered. 

"His name is Obsidian," the ice mage said. "Ironic, I know." The crowd around them laughed. The ice mage posed real fast for another picture and turned to Onyx. "Want to ride him? Anyone seven or over is more than welcome on his back. Before that, you need an adult."

"I don't think he can support that much weight," Onyx said. "He's just snow."

The mage laughed. "Don't be silly! He's a real horse. But the illusion is amazing, isn't it?"

"No, this ice and snow," Onyx said firmly.

The mage's smile wavered, but she quickly composed herself. Obsidian reared its head away from Onyx and went to nuzzle a baby in a stroller. The crowd aww'd, Onyx's words forgotten. 

Onyx felt a tug on his sleeve. Two children, a boy and girl of about twelve years, were staring at him with cold eyes. 

"You're really going to give away the trick?" the girl hissed quietly. "Do you tell little kids Santa's not real, too?"

"What are you talking about?" Onyx wrenched his arm away.

"Obsidian! These people want to believe he's a real horse and you're going to ruin it for them?"

"So you're one of us?" the boy asked. 

"Us?" Onyx looked the children up and down. They wore matching clothes, but nothing about them was out of the ordinary. Both of them wore matching light-up sneakers, light up bracelets, and the girl had a bow in her hair with an LED light. The lights from their accessories and their shoes were nearly invisible in the sun, but Onyx could see the faint color emitting from the tiny lightbulbs. Onyx could also see that the bow and bracelets had no batteries in them. And weren't the shoes only supposed to light up when they walked?

"Electricity magic?" Onyx whispered. 

The two nodded. "Mind mage?"

"Force."

"Are you lost?" the girl asked.

"Lost?"

"Yeah, lost."

Onyx scowled. "I'm almost thirty."

"You can get lost at any age."

"I don't have anywhere better to be if that's what you mean."

The boy made a gesture to the ice mage, who looked at Onyx, then nodded. The two began leading Onyx away from the crowd. 

"That was Nadia," the girl said. "She's really nice. I'm Taylor. This is Tyler."

"Mage names?"

"We don't have mage names in America," Tyler said. 

Onyx scoffed. "So you three must be part of the circus I heard about. Are all of you mages? Do you just perform magic in front of everyone and pretend it's fake?"

Taylor and Tyler grinned. "Yup!"

"I've never felt a more powerful magic come from an ice mage before. Are all of you that strong?"

"Yup!"

"And you use that strength, not for power, status, respect, or political gain, but to entertain a bunch of normals?"

"Yup!"

"That's such an American thing to do," he said in disgust. "Are you light or dark?"

"I think we're about half Irish. Nadia is Romanian-" 

"I meant your affiliation!"

"We don't do that here!" Taylor said. "We're just us!"

"What about keepers? Councils? Journeyman ranks? Council factions?"

"We don't do any of that! We're just people with magic! The U.S government takes care of the magic stuff for us. We just live!"

"Is everything alright?" Startled, the three turned to the new speaker. The man had ashy gray hair, but his eyes were vibrant and youthful. He had wrinkles around his eyes where his skin permanently shaped to his smile. He wore a red outfit with golden accents. The strange clothes alone were enough to signify his ties to the Celetial Circus. "I heard shouting."

Taylor and Tyler were immediately by his side, talking over each other like excited puppies until it was impossible to make out what they were saying. The man let them blabber for a minute before holding his hand out to Onyx. "And who is this gentleman?"

"Nadia found him," Tyler said. "He's a force mage."

"Lost?" The man asked. 

"No," Onyx said. "Just between purposes."

The man smiled. "Let me introduce myself. I am William Verywells, ringmaster of the Celestial Circus. It's a pleasure to meet such a talented, capable mage such as yourself."

_Morden wouldn't say that about me,_ the thought came suddenly and without warning. His heart plummeted in his chest and the empty, dark feeling returned twice as strong. "What makes you say that?"

"Your accent. You're from London, aren't you? It's cutthroat for mages out there. You have dark mages taking slaves and light mages stepping on each other for personal gain. The fact that you survived this long without getting killed proves to me that you must be very capable and very talented. Don't worry. Things are much smoother over here than it is in Britain. You don't have to sleep with an eye open here."

Taylor and Tyler were grinning at Onyx and the ringmaster. "So, he's lost, right? And we can always use more force mages, right?"

William looked to Onyx. "I was just about to grab Nadia and return to the circus grounds. Why don't you tag along?"


	3. An Offer

Luna had never been to a circus, though she has seen pictures online and an occasional youtube video. She didn't know what she expected when she looked up the Celestial Circus. Certainly not this. They had a "tent", but it was a permanent fixture. A regular building shaped and painted to look like a traditional circus tent. The grounds where the circus was located was huge, complete with little cabins the workers could stay in. They didn't travel, but that didn't seem to make any difference considering the amount of forum posts Luna found where people were asking for advice on how to jump on the tickets as soon as they were put up for sale.

"I stayed up until midnight!" one poster complained. "I dozed off, but woke up at 12:25. All of then were sold out!"

"They usually sell out in about fifteen minutes. You'll have to try harder." one responded. 

"I ordered mine at 12:05 and still almost didn't make it."

"See, this is what happened when big shows only perform once a week. We wouldn't have this problem if they did it twice or even three times! I say we boycott."

"Yes! _Please _boycott! More tickets for us!"

"Is there any way to get around the three ticket maximum rule? I know scalpers whatever, but my family is kind of big."

Luna let out a sigh. The scarcity of the tickets only made her want them more. There was a knock on the door and Luna quickly closed the laptop like she had been doing something wrong. It _f__elt _wrong. Anne was missing and Alex was on the most wanted list, and here she was worrying about circus tickets. 

"Hi Alex," Luna said.

"Have you heard from Variam?" he asked. He looked run down and very tired. Luna didn't know where he went when he wasn't at the Hollow, but he must have ran into trouble wherever it was.

"Yeah, but there's nothing new. The keepers are still out to find you and you're still being blamed for Sal Sarque's death."

Alex let out a sigh. "That sounds about right."

Luna shifted uncomfortably, her eyes trailing back to her closed laptop. "Hey, I know a lot has been going on, but-"

A muffled chime came from Alex's pocket. He pulled out his communicator and gave Luna a half-hearted smile. "Sorry, hold that thought. It's Talisid and this could be important." 

"Sure, sure." No, dragging her friends to the circus would be a stupid idea. They wouldn't enjoy it and who knew if they'd be hunted all the way over there? If she wanted to see the show, she'd have to go by herself. "Hey, when you're done talking to Talisid, can you tell me a little bit more about gate stones?"

* * *

Ringmaster William held the door open to the main building and Onyx stepped into the heart of the circus. The outside of the tent-building was red, but the walls inside were a dark indigo, giving it a nighttime, open sky kind of feeling. At the center of the ring, the mages were practicing their acts. There were at least a hundred of them. Air mages were doing cartwheels on tightropes, ice mages were running their snow horses, fire mages were practicing tricks, and water mages were waiting patiently for their turn to flood the place. Onyx was entranced. 

"Impressive, aren't they?" William asked with a smile. "The Celestial Circus is comprised of very powerful mages. Attention to detail is very important when it comes to showmanship, and that detail is what makes them so strong."

Onyx was speechless. An ice horse trotted by the group and a fire mage took hold of it's mane and hoisted himself onto it, the horse never breaking stride. He promptly fell off, much to the amusement of the ice mage, who told him to not to jump too far.

"How are they doing that?" Onyx asked.

"The horse? They're very basic. Anyone can make a horse."

"That's not possible," Onyx said. "You can't just-"

"Can you make a blade?" William asked. "With your force magic?"

"Yes."

"If you can make a blade, you can make a horse. Make a blade and lay it flat on its side."

Onyx hesitated, but did as he was told.

"Make the blade wider. A lot wider."

Onyx did.

"Now curve both edges of the blade until you have a cylinder shape. There. That's basically the body of a horse. All you have to do is manipulate it until you have legs and a head. Then you work on it until it looks more realistic. Then you make it move."

Onyx didn't have a response.

"You really didn't know you can do that?" Taylor asked. "What did they teach you in London?"

"How to fight," Onyx said.

"Boring. You'll learn all the cool stuff here."

"You act like I've agreed to stay."

Taylor grinned. "No one who's ever been invited to join the Celestial Circus has ever turned it down. I don't think you'll be the first."

William gave Onyx a tour of the circus and introduced him to some of the other mages. Nadia made an excuse to get Taylor and Tyler away, giving William and Onyx some space to greet everyone without feeling crowded. The mages were friendly, and so open and welcoming to Onyx that he felt almost suspicious. 

"Onyx," William said, "I'd like to introduce you to Marion. Marion, this is Onyx."

Marion was in a small room by herself, surrounded by clothes and costumes. She was busy mending an orange butterfly dress, the kind that looked like wings when you spread the cloth out. She wouldn't look at Onyx and she kept her eyes on her work.

"Charmed," she said with zero emotion.

"Her specialty is enchantment," William said, "and her act is one of the most popular ones we have. She's also very skilled when it comes to sewing. She made every costume and outfit by hand, even the silicone mermaid tails the water mages use."

William sounded so proud of her. _Did Morden ever sound that proud of me? Is this what he sounded like when he showed me off? _Onyx shook the thoughts away. "Nice to meet you," he lied. 

Marion ignored him. William took the cue and ushered Onyx back to the ring. "She's not fond of people," he said. "Ever since she performed Tell Your Story."

"What's that?"

"It's a special, once-in-a-blue-moon act. It got her a lot of attention by the fans and media alike. A _lot _of attention. She became somewhat of a hermit as a result."

"Why? Did she piss someone dangerous off?"

William looked at Onyx with pity in his eyes. "No, she just couldn't handle the crowd."

_Weak. _Onyx bit back the reaction. Now wasn't the time to be making enemies. 

"I must say, you have great timing," William said. "The Celestial Circus is only open once a week, and our next showing is tomorrow night. Why don't you observe and see if you'd like to join us? You can spend the night here and get a feel for the circus culture."

Onyx was hesitant to answer. Meeting the mages took his mind off Morden and the slaughter at the mansion, but if he stuck around someone might start asking questions. They probably only tolerated him because they thought he was a victim in London, not one of the perpetrators. There's no way they'd accept him if they knew what he did before coming here. 

But he also knew he could never bring himself to go back. There was nothing left for him in London except the emptiness he came here to avoid. 

"Alright, we'll see how this goes," Onyx said.


	4. Dinner

Taylor and Tyler were very excited to show Onyx where they ate. The dragged him out of the circus tent, turned him around, then lead him back into the circus tent.

"Ta-da!" Taylor said. "We eat here! Sometimes. All the cabins have kitchens, but usually we take our food and come in here."

"Why?" Onyx asked.

"So we can see everyone!"

"Why would you want to do that?"

Onyx watched a group of mages bring out a couple of folding tables and set them up in the ring. The room was slowly filling up with other mages carrying plates and trays of food they cooked. They left the extras on the tables for whoever didn't feel like cooking that night, then sat on the floor around the ring or in the bleachers.

"Why would we want to do what? See everyone?" Tyler asked.

"Yeah." 

Taylor and Tyler exchanged glances.

"I think he's kidding," Tyler said. "Anyway, Nadia's making tacos for us, but if you want something different, there's usually extra stuff on the tables."

"I'm not hungry."

"Eat anyway. Nadia makes the best tacos because that's all she knows how to make," Tyler said.

"She can burn ice-cream," Taylor agreed. 

Onyx, Taylor, and Tyler went to sit on the very top row of the bleachers closest to the doors. They were soon joined by two space mages, who shook Onyx's hand.

"We heard talk about you, but we were out when you were being introduced," the first mage said. "I'm Thomas and this is Ethan."

Taylor grinned at them and Onyx. "They're the only space mages we have in the entire circus. Which is terrible because we use a _lot _of space magic here."

"We're _very _tired," Ethan said with a smile. "Is Nadia making tacos again?"

The space mages struck up a conversation with Taylor and Tyler and Onyx slowly started tuning them out. He watched the circus people down below branch off into groups, but the groups intermingled and switched around members very often. A lot of mages were stealing glances his way. No doubt they were talking about how awful the UK is for mages and how poor, innocent Onyx was lucky to be out. He hated himself. 

When Onyx lived in Morden's mansion, meals were never a relaxing time. The two of them sitting alone at the giant table while the slaves quietly stood along the wall gave Onyx a closed-in feeling. Usually their conversations revolved around council politics or things Onyx needed to improve on. Even when Morden hosted parties and the table was full of people, all they talked about were serious matters. They talked about who needed an alliance with who, who needed to disappear, and how to keep the council out of dark mage business. Many assassinations were planned out at the dinner table.

But here they did things differently.

"-and that's why the modern day chicken is my third favorite dinosaur. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk," Taylor finished. 

"Quick, change the subject before she gives us her fourth," Nadia said. 

"Oh, that's the-"

"How about that sports thing? Hm, yes, sports thing. Go team sports."

Tyler scoffed. "Who needs sports when you can close all the blinds and eat the cheetos you find under the couch?"

"You guys have cheetos under there?" Thomas asked. "All I ever find is loose change."

"Which can be used to buy more cheetos. It's the circle of life," Taylor said.

"That's literally what they taught me in grade school," Nadia said. 

"Really?"

"No! Why would it be?" Nadia turned to Onyx. "What about you? Did you ever go to school?"

"Of course." The group seemed to listen more intently.

"Even though you're a mage? Didn't your parents need to put you in hiding?"

"What? No. Why would you think that?"

"Because you're from the UK," Ethan said. "Mages can get kidnapped right off the street there."

Thomas said, "I heard mages hide their magic type from each other because some are more sought out than others."

Tyler cut in. "I heard they classify weaker mages as adepts so people know who's easier to enslave."

Ethan said, "I heard Keepers, the ones who are supposed to protect mages, actually torture and kill them."

Nadia added, "I heard parents drown their kids if they think they'll grow up with powers because it's more merciful."

Onyx gaped at them, completely speechless. 

"Is all that true?" Taylor asked. "How did you survive?"

"No! That's not true at all!" Onyx said. 

"Mages don't take slaves?" Ethan asked. 

"Well, that one was true."

"Mages aren't tortured by keepers?" Tyler asked.

"Ok, that was true, too."

"Mages don't target weaker magic users?" Nadia asked.

"Ok, aspects of it are true. But it's not as bad as you're making it sound. Yes, people get hurt," Onyx shrugged, "but they deserve it. If they're not strong enough to defend themselves, it's nobody's fault but their own."

Silence. 

More silence.

Finally Taylor spoke. "Onyx, you stupid brat, you almost made us believe you!"

Nadia's laugh broke the tension. "I was about ready to throw hands."

"Can you imagine believing something so stupid?" Ethan grinned. "The things people come up with."

"Yeah, don't play around like that, Onyx," Thomas laughed. "Someone might think you're serious."

"Especially since you're from London!" Tyler said. "They'll think you were raised like that or something!"

"Do mages actually think like that over there?" Nadia asked. "Those poor things. They have no idea how backwards they are."

Taylor grinned and hugged Onyx's arm in the first genuine display of affection Onyx had ever felt in his life. "I'm glad you're not like that. I'm glad you were smart enough to come here."

Onyx didn't say a word.


	5. The Night Before

11:45 PM. Luna was huddled over her computer, constantly refreshing the page on the off chance the tickets go up early. Deep down she knew this wasn't a big deal. It was a circus. Sure, it was popular, but she didn't _need _to go. Considering everything that's been happening, going would probably be a bad idea. Her friends wouldn't be there. They'd probably be mad at her if they knew what she was doing. 

Yet she wanted them. Her heart was set and getting a ticket was her only focus. Everything else in the world was pushed to side and the only thing she wanted was entry to the Celestial Circus. Was this what it felt like to be a dark mage? I want it, so I will get it no matter the cost? Someone else probably wanted it just as badly as Luna did, but by securing her ticket, it might cost them theirs.

She shook her head. Now was not the time to be thinking about that. The circus was supposed to take her mind _off _these things. 

11:59. Luna kept refreshing the page. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Midnight. They were there. Luna quickly added the tickets to her cart and typed her card number in at checkout. Error. In her haste, she had typed it wrong. She rewrote it, slower, internally screaming at the extra time this was taking. Checkout complete. An email confirmation will be sent shortly with the link to download the ticket. Luna almost cried in relief, then felt stupid about how happy she was getting over something so trivial. Still, in eighteen hours, she would be going to the Celestial Circus.

* * *

There was always someone awake at the circus. Some of the mages turned in right after dinner and others talked about staying up until sunrise. Onyx was invited to spend the night in the cabin shared by Thomas, Marion, Ethan, and a fire mage named Camila.

"Marion doesn't usually sleep until morning," Ethan said, "so you can have her bed. She likes working on her act at night when no one's around. She's a little people-shy since Tell Your Story."

"Can we come, too?" Taylor and Tyler asked. "We want to hang out with Onyx."

Ethan looked to Onyx. "I don't mind if you don't, but you might regret it. They'll keep you up until showtime tomorrow if they can."

"We'll cap out at midnight the latest, we promise." Taylor held up her crossed fingers.

"Your fingers are crossed," Onyx said.

"Yeah, and?"

"That means you're lying."

"Yeah, and?"

Onyx smirked. "I don't mind them coming."

The cabin was small, but not cramped. A kitchenette shared a room with a couch and a TV. A small bathroom was off to the side with a single shower. The bedroom had two bunk beds pushed against the opposite walls from each other. Each mage had different wall decorations and posters above their respected beds. Thomas's wall had band posters. Underneath Thomas's bed, Ethan had newspaper clippings about positive events. Camila's top bunk wall had pictures of her family, and Marion's wall had poorly drawn crayon art of animals and flowers.

Taylor dropped her blanket and pillow on the floor and pointed to Marion's wall. "We did that when we first got here."

"We slept in Marion's bed our first night here, too," Tyler said. "We were so nervous that our magic stopped the lights from going off, and Thomas got us some coloring pages to get our minds off things."

"They ran out and started drawing on the wall," Ethan said, absentmindedly playing with his phone on his bed. "Thomas and I offered to clean it, but Marion told us she wanted it to stay. She probably thought it was sweet."

Onyx sat on the bed and examined the drawings. They looked faded. "How old were you?"

"Five, almost six," Taylor said.

"That's really young to be getting your powers."

"We know. Ringmaster William told us that might be why we have such a hard time stopping it." Taylor tapped her bow. "That's why we wear light-up stuff. It gives the magic somewhere to go."

"You can't control it?"

"We can control it just fine! It just spills out sometimes. Like trying to hold down vomit when you're sick. A little just comes out occasionally."

"Gross."

"That's never happened to you? Like ever?" Tyler asked.

"No," Onyx said. "Never has, never will. I've always had great control over my magic."

Taylor and Tyler exchanged unimpressed looks. "Maybe it only happens to strong mages."

Onyx bit back a reply so hard he almost tasted it. He might have only been at the circus for one day, but he definitely learned how to hold his tongue in that time. The conversation moved on to an unrelated topic. Despite their previous energy, Taylor and Tyler were fading fast. Thomas had his back to everyone else and was ignoring them as be drifted off. Ethan was wide awake and seemed to be enjoying the electric mages' attempted to hold intelligent conversation so close to unconsciousness. Camila came in once to get her coat from the closet, asked if anyone needed anything, then left again when they said no. 

An hour later, the lights were off and everything was quiet. Onyx lay awake. He never minded the quiet before, but without the distraction of noise, the memory of the recent events slowly started coming back to him. He missed Morden. He missed being his Chosen. What would Morden say if he knew where Onyx was? Did he even notice he was gone? Did he think he was dead? The carnage left at the mansion was bad. Did Morden think he was somewhere in the wreckage? Did he care? Did he look for him? Homesickness built up in Onyx's chest and he focused all his energy on listening to the breathing from the other mages. He suddenly felt out of place. He didn't belong here. He belonged back at Morden's side. These people were strangers. This place was not his home. 

Onyx slowly sat up to avoid making noise. He felt sick and worried. Why did things like this always happen at night? When it was dark and he was alone? He felt like a trespasser when he stood up and maneuvered his way around Taylor and Tyler's sleeping forms on the floor. He wanted to turn on a light or the TV, anything to break the stillness, but he couldn't risk disturbing the others. Left with so little choices, Onyx walked outside.

Onyx was grateful to see the lights outside the circus tent still on and even more grateful to see a sparse number of mages roaming around. Someone had brought out a barbecue set and was grilling hamburgers for the people who had missed dinner or needed a midnight snack. Onyx decided against joining them, but the knowledge that someone else was still awake made him feel better.

A blast of fire lit up the night sky behind the cabins. Onyx moved instinctively and was ready with a force blade before the embers in the air even winked out. He dropped the blade when he remembered where he was and he smiled halfheartedly at the realization that his will to live was back. It had been a rough couple of weeks. 

Onyx walked around to the back of the cabins. There was a small area between the back of the cabins and the fences surrounding the circus grounds roughly the size of their living room. Marion was sitting against the cabin wall closest to Onyx with her legs drawn to her chest, watching Camila practice in the center. Camila was twirling a long torch, lit at both ends. She threw it up, caught it, and broke it in half. She put the broken ends in her mouth and when she removed them, they were on fire as well. 

Onyx watched the show for a few minutes, then went to stand by Marion for a better view. Marion's hair was up in pigtails and she had make-up on her elbows, wrist, and knees to make her look like a ball-jointed doll. The make-up on her face had been washed off, but not well. Onyx could see the remnants of the unnatural shades and colors.

"You two are up late," Onyx whispered, careful to not distract Camila from her work.

"I have a boyfriend." Marion spoke in her usual, emotionless monotone. She made zero effort to prevent distracting Camila by keeping her voice down and instead talked normally. 

"Uhh... okay."

"I'm kidding. That's how women say hi in America."

"Is it?"

"No."

Onyx shut up for the rest of the performace. When Camila was done, she looked to Marion with a proud smile on her face. "How was I? Amazing or amazing?"

"Is there a third option?" Marion asked, deadpan.

"Amazing again."

"That one."

"The third amazing? Why not the first one?" Camila asked.

"First amazing is reserved for me."

"You don't get an amazing because you use enchantment in your performance. We fire mages have to wow the crowd naturally."

"That sounds like something someone with a third amazing would say."

A sudden, sharp, stabbing paint shot up Onyx's back and clawed it's way up to his shoulders. He felt the pressure of weight and reached behind him to grab whatever had jumped on him. He felt fur and the cat latched on to his shirt, throughly clawing him as Onyx yanked him off. 

"What is this?" he demanded, holding the cat out at arms length.

"My boyfriend," Marion said. 

"That's Chester, our mouse-catcher. He likes to climb on people," Camila said. 

"Like Camila after too many drinks," Marion said.

"You have mice here?" Onyx asked.

"No. Thanks, Chester."

Onyx dropped Chester on the ground, who landed awkwardly and strutted away like he meant to do that.

"Hey, Onyx, you watched the show, too," Camila said. "How many amazings would you give me for that?"

"Uh, one?"

Marion gave him a look. "Forgive him, Father, he knows not what he says."

"Only one? I spent _months _on that act!"

"She lost her partner in a car accident three months ago and had to remake her entire routine from scratch."

Onyx held up his hands. "Okay. Five awesomes."

"Now you're just mocking me," Camila said.

"The nerve," Marion agreed.

"It doesn't matter anymore," Camila sighed. "Now that you're here, they're probably going to make you my new partner. Fire mages are always paired with force users because fire is hard to tame. I can't even make a horse without a force shell."

"Obsidian is quaking," Marion said.

"Tomorrow night is our next show. Pay attention to what the force mages are doing. That's where you'll be."


	6. The Day Of

Onyx woke up bright and early when Chester the cat used him as a launching pad to get to the top bunk. He sat up and found himself on the floor, wrapped in the blankets. He must have rolled off the bed in his sleep. He hadn't done that since the first night he spent at Morden's mansion. 

All the beds had been abandoned and Onyx could hear voices outside the door. The others must have decided to let him sleep in. He could hear Taylor and Tyler's fast talking and Marion's half-dead replies, though he couldn't make out what they were saying. 

"It lives!" Tyler said when Onyx stepped out. He was watching Ethan mix together a strange assortment of drink powders together in a pitcher. Ethan took a sip, looked disgusted, and started switching up the powders. Tyler grinned. "You almost killed me and Taylor last night. I'm surprised you slept through falling on us."

Thomas and Ethan, being behind-the-scene workers, were dressed normally, but Marion, Camila, and the twins were wearing their stage outfits, and those outfits were made to impress. Marion was standing in front of the mirror on the wall, applying the finishing touches to her doll outfit. The ball-joint make-up was realistic enough to make Onyx wince when she moved. Camila's red dress had a black sequin sash and ruby accents.The twins wore matching black outfits covered in stars. There were stars in their hair, on their shoes, and sticking to their clothes.

"They light up!" Taylor piped when she noticed Onyx staring.

"Brighter than my future," Marion said.

"By the way, Ringmaster William said he wanted to see you," Camila said.

"Then he should look at our poster," Marion replied.

Camila glared at her. "Excuse me, is your name Onyx?"

"You didn't say Onyx."

"Well, I meant to. Onyx, he wants to see you."

"Tell him to look at our poster."

"You're not even on the poster anymore," Ethan said.

"I know. He'll be so confused."

Onyx stepped away. "I'll go find him."

"Wearing that?" Thomas asked. 

Onyx paused. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"You slept in it," Camila said. "That means they're now pajamas. You can't show up in pajamas."

"They're a little dirty," Ethan said. "We're about the same size. You can borrow some of my clothes." He put the pitcher of his strange drink down. "Don't let me forget that."

Onyx felt a pang of sadness when Ethan brought him back into the bedroom, sat him down on the bed, and started rifling through his own side of the closet. Onyx vividly remembered sitting on the bed in Morden's room, watching him go through his closet, tossing out clothes he didn't want anymore. The slaves would gather them up and either throw them away or donate them. Morden didn't care either way, so long as they were gone. There was a black dress shirt that Morden wore maybe once or twice with small, wooden buttons that Onyx loved. He expressed interest in it only once before, and he had been sure that Morden forgot, but when Morden pulled it out of his closet, he handed it to Onyx instead of the slave. Onyx treasured that shirt because it was a constant reminder that Morden did care at least a little about what he had to say, even if he never showed it. 

Onyx had lost that shirt in his first fight with Verus. His own force blade had shredded it. 

Ringmaster William was waiting for Onyx in the back room of the circus tent with two other mages. Those three were the only ones standing still in the entire building. Everyone else was busy running around, helping to set up, or practicing their act. Nadia gave Onyx a wave before disappearing into Marion's costume room.

"Glad you could join us," William said. "I want to show you a few things to get you more accustomed to the circus life. There's a few basic tricks you'll need to learn and I thought it would be best to give you a glimpse of them before you try them yourself. I'd like to introduce you to Sarah and Jackson."

The two happily shook Onyx's hand. Sarah was wearing a dress much like Camila's, except shorter with the sash tied in a bow. Jackson's clothes were primarily black, but with flashes of dark purple. 

"Fire and force?" Onyx asked.

William nodded. "There's a part in the fire mages' act where their dark outer clothes burn away to reveal the lighter ones underneath. The problem is fire is hard to control and doesn't want to burn away only a single layer. That's where force comes in."

Onyx examined Sarah's costume and noticed something he had missed at first. There was a very thin layer of force magic around her clothes. It was like a shield. 

"It _looks_ like it should be easy to do," William said.

"But you have to keep the shield up when it's covered and you can't see it," Onyx finished.

"And while you're doing your routine," Jackson said. "You have to be able to concentrate on the shield and your act."

"Many of the fire acts rely on force magic to keep things contained," William said.

Onyx took a breath. "I've never done anything that detailed before. All I ever learned was how to break things, and that doesn't require precision at all."

"We'll train you. You'll get the hang of everything eventually."

* * *

"Look, I just want to go out and see a movie without worrying about some keeper dragging me away!" Luna said. "And the only way I can do that is to go to a theater that's far away! There's no way anyone will be able to find me in the time it takes to watch a movie. I'll be perfectly safe! I'll even bring back some popcorn for you. So, _please_ can I borrow a gate stone to America? Please?"

Hermes blinked at her. Luna sighed and fell back on her bed.

"Not convincing, huh? Any constructive criticism?" 

Hermes blinked again. 

"One of these days I'm going to teach you morse code."

Luna was in the Hollow. She had no idea where Alex went or when he'd be back, so she had been stuck waiting for him for the last three hours. 

"I could ask Vari to gate me," Luna said, "but what if he asks questions? What if he wants to go? I only have one ticket."

Hermes looked at her as if to say, _only one ticket? Oh darn. Better give it to me._

Luna grimaced. "I don't think he'll fall for the movie line. I don't even know what's playing over there."

Hermes stared lazily at her for a minute, then perked up suddenly. Shortly after, Luna heard the front door open. She quickly got to her feet, nearly knocking Hermes off the bed, and raced downstairs, the movie lie already playing at her mouth.

"Alex, I need to borrow a gate stone to-" She stopped. Variam was at the door.

"To where and why?" he said.

Luna made a heart with her hands. "To your heart."

Variam gave her a look.

"Ok, fine. There's this place in America that I want to go to."

"Right now? After everything that's been going on?"

"Well, yes, because..." Luna waved her hands vaguely in the air. "Yeah."

"Because what?"

"Because...I think Anne might be there and maybe I can talk to her?"

The words left her mouth before she could stop them. She felt like the lowest of the low, the absolute scum of the Earth to be using Anne as an excuse. 

"I mean, maybe," Luna said. "She might not be."

"No, if there's even a chance that she's there, we need to take it. I'll come with you and-"

"No! She'll talk to one of us, but two might scare her away! Dark Anne will think it's a trap." _I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself._

"Okay," Variam said. "Just tell me when and where and I'll gate you."

* * *

If there was ever a time where Onyx felt useless, it was in the hours leading up to the show. He watched like a shadow as everyone got ready. Marion was working at top speed to fix last minute costume tears. Nadia was galloping Obsidian until the fire mages complained of the cold. Water mages were talking to Ethan and Thomas about entry points for the flood. The twins were lighting their stars four at a time in perfect sync with each other. Everyone was preparing for showtime. 

"This is a lot to take in," Onyx mentioned to Nadia. 

"You can get rusty very fast if you don't practice daily," Nadia said. "One of the drawbacks of performing once a week is the temptation to get lazy. So far no one has neglected their act, but everyone is afraid they did, so they try to practice as much as possible last minute. It'll happen to you, too."

A loud whistle rang out from the center of the ring. William stood with his arms out and shouted, "We're opening the ring! The first guests will be in shortly. All performers please move backstage. Background crew to the upper deck. Places everyone!"

Thomas appeared behind Onyx. "Come with us. You can watch the performance from the upper deck and get a feel for the backstage work."

"Upper deck?"

Thomas pointed up towards the ceiling. For the first time, Onyx noticed a catwalk high above where the audience sat. 

"No one ever notices it." Thomas shrugged. "Which is kind of the point of a catwalk. It goes around the tent so the performers can get from the backstage to the outside. The area just above the audience is the perfect spot to manage the show." 

The lights were starting to dim in preparation for the guests' arrival, but even in the dark, Onyx could see the silhouettes of Ethan, the twins, and a few other people wandering length of the upper deck. Thomas beckoned Onyx to follow him and he lead him backstage to the ladder leading to the catwalk.

Taylor and Tyler beamed at them when they came up. "Perfect view right?"

"I thought you guys were performers." Onyx stole a glance to the mages beside them. He spotted two force users and three healers. 

"We are, but we're also the only electricity mages, so we have to be up here to do the lights," Taylor said.

"You control the lights?"

"As soon as the guests come inside," Ethan jumped in, "everything not magic related is shut down. No electricity, no moving parts, no nothing unless we make it."

"Why?"

"There are a lot of Sensitives out there. People who can sense magic even if they don't have any themselves. They can feel the magic in the air and it makes the experience more authentic. They won't know why, but they'll enjoy it even more. It's all subconscious."

Tyler pointed to the force users. "They move the lights and the stage and whatever else, and make walls where needed. Me and Taylor make the lights work. Ethan and Thomas make props appear and disappear. The healers are for medical emergencies."

"We're all kind of amazing up here," one of the healers said.

"Heads up," Thomas said, pointing below them. "Looks like the people are starting to come in."

"What a time to remember I forgot my drink in the kitchen," Ethan said. "I'll be right back."

* * *

"No, I haven't found Anne yet."

Luna was standing in the middle of the sea of people waiting in front of the circus's closed doors. There were a lot of people. A _lot._ Each one was louder than the last. Luna was hunched over her phone with her hand blocking the speaker as if it would do anything to stop the noise from going through to Variam.

"The noise?" Luna asked, barely making out her boyfriend's voice in the din. "No, I think there's a party going on nearby. I'm going to keep looking. Just text me, okay? No, don't call. In fact, I'm going to have my phone on silent. If me and Anne are talking, I don't want it going off at a bad time. Yes, I know. Just trust me, okay? I got to go. I'll tell you if I find anything."

Luna couldn't hang up fast enough. She still hated herself for what she did, but she was too deep in to back out now. The murmur of the crowd suddenly turned to cheers as the doors to the circus opened. The guests pushed and shoved their way to the front and Luna was carried along in the current. At the doors, people presented their tickets to be stamped. Luna held hers out nervously like she was afraid it would vanish into thin air. 

The usher checked Luna's ticket and shook her head. "I'm sorry, Sugar, but this ticket is for next weekend's show."

Luna's heart dropped. "What? But I just bought it last night."

"We sell the tickets a week in advance. The tickets are so hard to get that it would be cruel to sell them the day before the show. People need time to plan."

Luna was sure all the color drained from her face. She had no words.

"I'm sorry. We can get you a refund-"

"I don't want a refund. I want to see the show," Luna said. 

Luna was close to tears, but there was nothing the usher could do. Luna turned away and started walking back to the exit. Her vision blurred with tears and she hated herself for being so emotional over a stupid circus. 

But it wasn't about the circus. Not really. Deep down what she really wanted was an escape. She wanted to pretend that things were normal. She wanted to convince herself for one night that there were no keepers and no execution order. Alex was still in his shop, Anne was still in her clinic, Caldera was still an ally. Luna was just a normal, carefree girl who wanted to see the circus. To be rejected at the door like that made everything in her life so real. It cemented the thought that there was no escape. She couldn't run. She had no control over what was going to happen.

"I just want to see the stupid circus," she whispered to herself through clenched teeth.

"Uh, wait, are you okay?" 

Luna turned around fast at the voice. A man was standing behind her, holding a water bottle full of weirdly colored liquid. He looked uncertain and almost panicked, like he had no idea what to do when confronted with a crying girl. Luna just nodded.

"Why are you crying? Are you afraid of clowns? Because we don't have any here. Except for me, of course." He gave her a halfhearted smile, the kind that looks more like a plead for _her _to smile. When she didn't, he said, "I mean, not really. That was just a joke. Do you need a tissue or something? I can get you one from the cabin."

Luna wiped her eyes. "You work here?"

"Yeah. My name's Ethan. I'm not a performer or anything, but yeah. I do."

"Well..." Luna felt bad for asking for help, but she was desperate. "I bought a ticket yesterday-"

"I love your accent," he interrupted her, completely awkward. 

"Uh, thanks?"

"Sorry. Go ahead."

"I thought this ticket was for tonight's show, but it's for next week. And the show's already sold out. I want to see it so badly, but I won't be able to come back next week."

"I can help!" Ethan said, jumping at the opportunity to be useful. "I can bring you to the upper deck! You can watch the show from there! You don't have to cry anymore!"

"Really?"

"Yeah! They won't mind! Follow me!"


	7. Showtime

The silence in the circus tent was broken only by the occasional cough and whisper in the audience. The lights were off. The music started slow with a subtle beat that reminded Onyx of the drizzle before a storm. To his side, he could see Thomas's worried expression in the light coming from Taylor and Tyler's light up accessories. Their lights dimmed as they focused their energy on bringing the music up. The lights went out entirely as soon as the stage was lit. Where the stage was once empty, Ringmaster William now stood.

"Where is Ethan?" Thomas whispered through clenched teeth. "I can't do this all alone!"

William began addressing the crowd in a theatrical voice and Onyx couldn't help but compare him to his old master. When Morden spoke, he sounded dominate and confident, like no one could argue with him. William sounded welcoming and genuine, like no one would _want _to argue with him. It was hard for Onyx to believe that someone who didn't hold massive political and magical power could command a group of mages like the circus crew without at least the implication of a threat. It was very surreal. 

"Ethan's probably on his way," one of the healers whispered back.

Onyx kept an eye on William. "How much can you do by yourself?"

"Half of what we need to be able to do! I can't move the entire-"

Ethan's head popped up from the top of the ladder and Thomas didn't know whether to strangle him or hug him. 

"Sorry I'm late," Ethan said. 

"As you should be!" Thomas said. "Do you know how-"

"I have a guest!"

The mages on the catwalk suddenly stood up straighter and put on happy faces. The two extra force mages took Taylor and Tyler's arms and pulled them to the opposite end of the catwalk where their magic could go unnoticed. The children's eyes didn't leave the stage for a second. Ethan helped Luna up and threw his arms out towards the circus ring in a ta-da motion. 

Ethan said, "you can watch from up here. When the show's over, just go down the way you came. Or stay and meet the cast. Speaking of meet, this is Thomas, this is Onyx, this is Amelia, this is-"

Thomas elbowed his friend. "Let her watch the show in peace."

Luna's heart dropped to her feet. She hadn't noticed him at first. Onyx was leaning against the railing, watching William wrap up the introductions. He saw her, she _knows _he saw her, but he gave zero reaction to her presence. 

Luna braved a small, "hi."

Onyx glanced at her. "Hey."

Luna took in a sharp breath. _He doesn't recognize me. _No, of course not. Why would he? They had only met face to face maybe once or twice, and he had been completely focused on Alex. He may not remember her, but his face was burned into her memory. The first time she ever saw him was when he publically challenged Alex to a duel. Her _friend!_ Her only reason to get up in the morning at the time. What was Onyx even doing here?

The lights went out. Luna felt the umistakable tingle of nearby magic. When the lights came on, the stage was covered in hills of snow. Leafless trees made entirely out of crystal clear ice decorated the landscape.The female ice mages were kneeling in the center of the ring, wearing long white dresses dotted in snowflakes. The males in light blue suits stood in a row behind them. The snow hills on the edges of the ring began to tremble and move. White horses stood and freed themselves from the ground. With Obsidian in the lead, they ran circles around the ice mages who began to dance. A flurry of snow manifested from the ceiling and fluttered down to the performers.

"That's amazing," Onyx whispered to Ethan and Thomas. 

Thomas scoffed. "I'll tell you what's amazing. Moving a billion pounds of snow and people from the back room to the stage."

"The snow was already made?"

"Yeah. Ice mages work fast, but not that fast. We have two seconds of darkness to work with and space magic is the quickest way to go."

The mages kept their voices low. They probably assumed Luna couldn't hear them or was too entranced by the performance to pay attention. In any other circumstance, they'd be right, but Luna couldn't take her mind off of Onyx. Was he planning something? 

"How are they doing this?" Onyx sounded frustrated. "I've worked with some very powerful mages and they can barely hold a conversation without dropping their magic. How are they dancing, keeping the horses running, and making it snow at the same time?"

"You'll be doing it, too," Ethan said. "Then you'll look back and wonder why you weren't doing it before."

The air mages were next. The ring went dark and when the lights returned, every ounce of snow was gone. The female air mages were donned in butterfly shawls that flowed in the breezes they created. They stood on the outstretched palms of the male air mages.

Ethan leaned over to Onyx. "This is pretty cool. See, you look at this and think there's no way anyone could do this with normal smoke and mirror tricks. And they _can't. _But the audience assumes we found a way. The audience just _trusts_ us. In a second, they're going to toss the butterfly dancers and they'll float down like leaves. No one will question it."

They did more than just float. The dancers leapt from their perches to the other mages' arms, landing so softly that their arms never dipped. They slowly transitioned to the trapeze and tightrope, doing stunts and dances that no one without magic could do. Despite knowing the secret now, Luna was still mesmerized by the show. Not even Onyx could ruin it for her now.

"The stage holds a lot of psychological power," Ethan continued. "You can murder someone on it and everyone will clap for you."

That last remark sent a shiver down Luna's spine. 

The air mages took a bow and exited the ring in uniform lines. The fire mages with their force mage partners brushed by them with Camila in the lead. They got into position at the center of the ring. Once they were set, the lights went out. Fire light broke through the darkness and a circle of torches lit up one by one, leaving the mages only slightly visible in shadows. Threads of fire wrapped itself around Camila's arms and legs and she began her fire-eating act.

A glow from Onyx's side took his attention off the performance. Taylor and Tyler were beaming at Onyx, their light-up accessories vibrant with their excitement. 

"Did you see all that? All the lights? We did that!"

"Keep your voices down," Thomas warned, nodding in Luna's direction. 

"We're next!" Taylor said. "Watch us, okay? Tell us what you think!"

Luna was so upset by that comment that she almost didn't notice the flames burning away the fire mages' top layers of clothing. Those kids acted like they were trying to _impress_ Onyx! Did they know how evil he was? She hoped not. She didn't like the idea of children being corrupted. 

Taylor and Tyler rushed off the catwalk. The mages finished their performance and the fire died out. For a minute, the crowd waited in the dark. Much like the previous act, Taylor and Tyler's gig revolved around the contrast between light and dark. A spiderweb of pure, neon blue electricity spread across the floor, and Onyx could see a layer of thick wires crisscrossing the ring at the children's feet. A spotlight went on, but instead of focusing on Taylor and Tyler, it shone on the ceiling above them. Hanging down on thin wires was a massive blanket of crystal stars. A large cresent moon was hung in the middle, directly above where Taylor and Tyler were standing. A girl in a mask and a long white dress sat on the moon. The music began and the girl started singing. The twins, barely visible on the ground started their dance. With every step they took to the beat, they stepped on a different wire. Through the wires, they sent a current of electricity that triggered a different colored spotlight depending on what wire they were on. The stars, the moon, and the girl's dress reflected the color, turning the performance into a light show. 

"Beautiful, right?" Thomas said. "Guess who the girl on the moon is."

"Nadia?" Onyx asked.

Thomas shook his head. "Marion. Don't tell a soul outside the circus. This is the only time she can perform without the crowd hounding her."

"Is that why she's wearing a mask?"

"Yeah. You can't really tell, but she's using a voice modifier. She likes to pretend to be just another average circus talent."

"She must really hate being famous," Onyx said.

"Think about it. The only time Tell Your Story is performed is if your partner willingly leaves the Celestial Circus. Do you know how often that happens?"

"Never?"

"_Never. _She did a rare act in a rare circus and now the world won't leave her alone. Her partner at least got out. She's stuck here on display. She can't leave circus grounds without the tabloids putting her on the front page."

"Wow." Sarcasm dripped from Onyx's mouth like venom. "Can't imagine a worse fate. How awful for her."

"You'll understand one day."

The song ended and the lights went out.

There were only two performances left.

Taylor and Tyler appeared next to Onyx, startling him so badly that he almost cut them in half on impulse. Ethan or Thomas must have magic'd them up here. 

"Did you see?" They demanded. "Did you like it? Were we cool? Did you see the lights? Did-" 

"Guys," Thomas hissed. "Focus."

The two gave Thomas an annoyed look, but stepped away from Onyx to continue their work on the lights. The darkness broke and the lights returned.

The crowd immediately went off. They screamed, waved, and shouted so loudly that the tech crew waited to start the music. Marion was dressed in her ball-jointed doll makeup. Her hair was in pigtails and her dress was red. She was surrounded by giant stuffed animals, toy cars, balls, teacups, and figurines, making her look small like an actual doll. She stood completely still, waiting for the crowd to shut up, but they didn't. Camera flashes went off. The screaming continued. They yelled her name. They chanted. The audience wouldn't stop. Marion wasn't even doing anything and the crowd acted like she was the rescue crew coming to save them from a fire. 

A sound mage stepped in and quieted the cheers little by little until the audience stopped on their own. The music-box tune began and Marion started her act. Once Marion started moving, she used her enchantment magic. Onyx could feel it taking over and his first instinct was to fight it. He looked away, but Ethan put his hand on his shoulder.

"Go ahead and watch," he said. "It's not like she's going to mind-control you. It's just an act."

Onyx felt very uneasy. All his life, he's only ever seen enchanters use their magic to gain something. They charmed people to steal and to hurt and to further their own goals. He tried to trust Marion and look at her, but couldn't bring himself to do it. Instead, he watched the crowd below him and listened to her voice.

"Lock me in the chest  
With your old toy bear.  
Give the shelf space to  
Someone who wants to be there.

You search for me in the corner  
where I hide myself and pray.  
Your cameras flash and blind me  
I want to be thrown away."

Onyx couldn't believe it. Absolute vitriol spilled from Marion with every word she sang. She hated the audience. She hated the people. And they all just drank it up. The cheers started again. The cameras and video recorders had not been put down since she appeared on stage. They had no idea she was talking about them. They wouldn't care even if they did.

"You're not gentle with your toys.  
Torn, shredded, and broke.  
You display them like they're whole  
in fire and smoke."

This was painful to hear.

"You outgrew your other toys.  
Why not me as well?  
Find someone else to play with.  
Free me from this hell.

Lock me in the chest  
with your old toy bear.  
Give the shelf space to  
Someone who wants to be there."

Marion ended the song by covering her face with her arms and cowering under the flashing lights. The audience didn't get the hint and continued snapping photos. Two mages walked out into the ring and covered Marion and the toys with a giant, oversized baby blanket. When they removed it, she and the props were gone. 

Onyx felt no sympathy for her. He'd seen people tortured and killed. He'd seen people abandoned and ruined. If a little bit of fame was enough to turn her into a hermit, then she was weak. Still, he couldn't deny how annoying the crowd was being. Or how spiteful Marion sounded.

The last act was upon them. Watertight glass walls slid up from the ground around the circus ring and didn't stop until they reached the ceiling. Water began pouring down from the edges, flooding the inside.

Onyx gave Ethan and Thomas a curious look. They didn't look away from the ring, but Thomas said, "there's a layer of force at the bottom to protect the floor, and the glass walls are also lined with a shield. The water's not going to damage anything."

Once the ring-turned-tank was full, the water turned a murky black. It slowly started to fade back into a clear pool, and Onyx could see the water mages who had appeared inside. Their mermaid and merman tails looked stunning in the water. The lights glistened off their scales and they swam with such grace and elegance that Onyx almost believed they were real. The audience was equally as entranced. Even Luna momentarily forgot the world.

The water mages' act was less of a performance and more of a pretty sight to see. They swam around the tank and communicated with the audience through motions and bubble rings. It reminded Onyx of being in an aquariam. After a few minutes of the water show, Ringmaster William stepped up to the front to thank the people for coming. The children in the audience were invited to meet the mer-folk before departing and they squealed with glee with every gesture and bubble the water mages made.

Luna didn't quite run off the catwalk, but now that the show was over and reality had set back in, she didn't want to risk triggering Onyx's memory by sticking around. Ethan called out a hasty, "thanks for coming!" before she disappeared down the ladder. She needed to tell Alex. She didn't know what Onyx was planning, but it couldn't have been-

Wow, those tails were even prettier up close.

Maybe she could meet a mermaid first.


	8. The Days That Followed

Every day after the performance was a great one. Onyx started his training under Ringmaster William. His magic grew in ways he never thought possible. Instead of strength, they focused on aim. Instead of walls, they focused on shapes. Instead of breaking, they focused on creating. 

A few days in, William decided Onyx was ready to try to make a horse. Nadia walked Obsidian into the ring, weaving around other performers practicing their magic, and stopped the snow horse in front of Onyx. Obsidian tossed his head once, then became completely still. It was eerie to watch Obsidian go still because for the first time, Onyx's brain actually registered Obsidian to be a snow sculpture. 

"Thank you, Nadia," Ringmaster William said. "Onyx, this is the basic shape of a horse. You have the large barrel-like torso, the neck that gets slightly smaller the closer to the head you go, and the legs that bend at these points here and here."

William briefly explained the details of a realistic horse and the more William analyzed, the less confidence Onyx had in his ability to make it. When it was time, Onyx made a blade, flattened it out, curved the edges, and got to work manipulating the shape. It came out very blocky with no joints in the legs, and its head was way too small. Nadia covered a laugh and pretended to be interested in the air mages practicing nearby. William picked apart the horse, making Onyx change this and move that, until the horse looked better, but not even remotely passable. 

"You're doing well considering you just started," William said. "You'll have everything down in no time."

"How long is no time?"

William just patted him on the shoulder and told him to keep trying.

* * *

Luna felt sick to her stomach. Variam had told Alex about her supposed meeting with Anne. Despite Luna saying she never showed up, the two took it upon themselves to set up a temporary camp in America to find her. Luna was in too deep to come clean now, so she was forced to stay in the city. The Celestial Circus was only five miles away from their hotel. 

_The circus... _

She had met the ringmaster that day. Luna had stopped to see the water mages up close and had been approached by William himself. She hadn't recognized him at first. He had only been on stage for the introduction and to say goodbye. They made small talk and he somehow knew she was a mage right away. He asked about her accent. William told her about another British mage they had taken in just recently. 

"He goes by Onyx," William said. A water mage swam close to the glass and pressed her hand over Luna's before swishing her tail and moving on to the next wide-eyed guest. "Force user. I know London is pretty big, but does he sound familiar?"

Luna could feel her heartbeat in her ears and she was sure her face was whiter than Obsidian's snow coat. "N-no. Never heard of anyone like that. I don't know a lot of force mages. I don't know any, actually."

In hindsight, Luna realized William was suspicious of her. He probably thought she was a bad guy sent from Britian to track Onyx down. The person at the ticket booth must have told him about the strange girl with the accent that arrived a week early. Ethan probably told William about the girl brought backstage who bolted as soon as the show ended. It did seem really suspicious.

Still, her absolute terror was enough to convince William that even if Luna was a threat, she wasn't a big one. They spoke about how mages were treated around Luna. They spoke about how America doesn't consider adepts and mages to be different. They spoke about dark mages and light mages, more labels that didn't exist in the U.S.

Luna must have spilled a little more than she meant to because William offered to welcome her into the circus. He offered protection and safety. 

"It's never going to be safe with Onyx there," Luna mumbled to herself as she watched the world from the hotel window. "It's never going to be normal." 

But it wasn't going to be normal with Alex, Variam, and their wild goose chase for Anne either. What difference would it make where she spent her time?

* * *

The next two performances came and went. Onyx grew closer to his group every day. He wasn't used to the genuine friendship they gave. He never had to worry about betrayals. He didn't need to bribe or threaten to keep their loyalty. He didn't have to be the strongest and most capable to earn their respect. He was a part of the team now. A part of the family. 

And all he had to do was pretend he wasn't a murderer and a dark mage's ex-chosen. 

Ethan, Camila, and Thomas were playing Go Fish in the small living room of their cabin while Marion hovered over their shoulders. Ethan gave Marion a subtle look. She glanced down at Camila's cards and signaled a three.

"Got any threes?" Ethan smiled.

"Nope," Camila said.

Ethan glared at Marion who stuck her tongue out and went to sit by Taylor, Tyler, and Nadia in front of the TV. 

"What are you watching?" she asked. 

"Them playing, mostly." Nadia tilted her head towards the card game. "They were originally playing Poker, but the kids wanted to join and didn't know how to play, so they switched to Go Fish."

"We got bored, but they kept playing," Tyler added. "It's getting pretty intense. I think Camila's ready to pull a knife on someone."

The front door opened just as Thomas swiped all the cards off the coffee table in a fit of "sore-loserism". Onyx entered with Chester in one arm and a dead rat in his other hand. He stopped and stared at Thomas and his mess like _he _was the strange one. 

"Loser cleans up the cards," Nadia said. "We made that rule because we can get a little competi- Onyx what is _that?_"

"You'll never guess who caught a rat today," Onyx said.

"Chester?" 

"No." Onyx dropped the cat, who looked very insulted and walked away with his tail twitching. "I did. Chester is now officially useless because the rat was right next to him and the furball didn't lift a claw."

Taylor grinned. "Hey, you should be glad! If Chester attacked every smelly rodent he came across, you'd be covered in scratches."

Onyx threw the rat at her and she shrieked and dove behind the couch while the others laughed. They stopped laughing real quick when she took the rat's tail and tossed it to Ethan, who caught it instinctively and flung it in a panic. It landed on the pile of strewn cards and everyone pointed to Thomas to clean it up. An argument broke out between Thomas and everyone in the room that ended with Ethan vomiting in the trashcan and the entire deck of cards being tossed out with the rat.

Onyx had never been more comfortable with anyone in his entire life than he was with these people. 

A few hours later, Onyx and Camila were called to the circus ring. Like Marion had predicted, Onyx was assigned to be Camila's new stage partner. Camila wasn't happy. 

"I spent months perfecting my act and now that I finally have it down, I have to go back to my old one?" She fumed as soon as the ringmaster was gone. "I mean, I saw this coming, but come on!"

"It'll look more uniform." Onyx shrugged. "You were stealing the spotlight from the other fire mages by being the only one with a different routine."

"I reserve the right to be angry, Onyx! Oh well. At least Luna has it on video."

"Who?"

"Luna. I don't think you met her yet. She comes by every now and then to help out and I had her record our last performance from the front row."

Onyx paused. That name sounded familiar, _r__eally _familiar, but he couldn't quite place where he heard it. Normally forgetting things wouldn't bother him, but something deep in his subconscious would not let him let this go. It was like his brain was trying to warn him of something important. 

"But it's not just about my act." Camila's voice brought Onyx out of his thoughts. "I haven't told anyone yet because it might be nothing, but my dad's condition has been getting worse recently. If something happens to him, I'm going to have to take care of my mom. If we're partners and I have to leave the circus..." She shook her head. "I just hope you really are stronger than Marion."

"Is Luna here today?"

"Yeah, I think she's helping Marion in the costume room. Go say hi."

* * *

Luna had never learned to sew, but Marion was very patient with her. It took a long time for the most recent star of Tell Your Story to warm up to Luna, but Luna somehow managed to gain her trust. Marion taught Luna some basic stitching and together they mended the costumes. 

"I just have a lot on my plate right now," Luna said when Marion asked why she wouldn't fully join the circus. "Maybe someday. Probably not someday. I don't think things will get better for a long time."

"If you joined, you'll never have to worry about anything again."

"But my friends-"

"They can join, too. Ringmaster William has a soft spot for abused British mages."

Luna smiled at the thought of Alex and Variam being seen as shy, innocent victims. Her smile faltered when she remembered Onyx. He must have had them fooled into thinking he was a victim. 

"Hey, Marion? Do you know if-"

Footsteps. Onyx walked through the curtain with Camila following behind. Luna's blood ran cold. They were in a small, enclosed space. There were witnesses, but that's never stopped Onyx before. Luna and Marion wouldn't stand a chance, but Camila could- No, Onyx wasn't stupid. He'd go for her first and catch her by surprise. Luna and Marion would be sitting ducks once Camila was out of the way. Maybe if she screamed, the mages outside would-

"We fix clothes, not faces," Marion said.

"Too bad you can't fix that attitude," Camila replied. 

"I need it for the stage. What's your excuse?"

"She need it to deal with you on a daily basis," Onyx said.

"Two against one isn't fair, Onyx. Stay out of it," Marion said.

Camila said, "he's my champion, so I can tag him in when I'm out of comebacks."

"Wow, I'm going to be talking to him a lot then."

"She's saving her breath for someone worth it," Onyx said.

"I'd do the same, but it's rude to stop mid-conversation." 

Luna was in utter shock. Onyx wasn't known to fight with his words for one thing, but the way Marion just so casually insulted a dark mage was stunning. It was in good humor between friends, but even that was unheard of. She couldn't imagine Morden and Richard talking to each other like that. Someone was going to get the lights knocked out of them if they did!

"So, Luna," Camila said, "I don't think you've met Onyx yet."

_I was trying not to, _Luna thought. 

Onyx held out his hand and Luna recoiled so hard she almost fell out of her chair. Onyx dropped his arm and Luna realized with embarrassment that he was going for a handshake. Funny, Luna never noticed dark mages shaking hands before. 

"She's nervous because she's from London," Marion said.

Luna held her breath. Marion was probably trying to save her some embarrassment, but in doing so she might have outed Luna to her enemy. Onyx still didn't seem to fully recognize her, but she knew the wheels were turning in his head. 

"Same here," Onyx said. "Have we met before?"

"I met you on the catwalk a few weeks back at the show," Luna said. "I came on the wrong date and Ethan brought me up to watch the performance."

Onyx visibly relaxed. "I knew I heard your name before."

_I didn't tell you my name on the catwalk. _"Yeah, same face, same name. That must be it."

"Well, welcome to the circus."

"Yeah, I'm just- Thanks, but I have to go." Luna smiled to Marion and walked out of the costume room. She did her best to keep her pace unsuspiciously steady, but couldn't help but glance behind her to make sure she wasn't being followed. The people of the circus had no idea about Onyx's past, that much she knew. She had to tell someone. She...

She couldn't. She couldn't even tell Alex that Onyx was here. She couldn't risk not only her and her friends' lives, but her good standing with the circus crew. She couldn't be the one to tell. 

But she knew someone who could. Selene was with Kyle. Maybe Luna could borrow her for a few days.


	9. The Fall

It was the day after Onyx met Luna in the costume room. Ringmaster William had taken a good chunk of the fire mages to the park to advertise the show and communicate more closely with the fans. The remaining mages were given the day off to do as they pleased. The air mages took the opportunity to have the entire ring to themselves. With no fire in the circus ring, there was no fear of too much wind messing up the fire mages' acts. The air mages were free to play and practice to their hearts' content. 

Camila and Ethan sat in the stands with Taylor, who watched the air mages with wide eyes. There was no audience, so they didn't have to be subtle with their jumps or tightrope walks. Mages flew to the ceiling and landed on the rope like birds. Some of the class clowns walked on the underside of the rope to make Taylor laugh. A mage blew a breeze to the girl, making her hide her face until it was over. Another mage, Marcus, offered to take Taylor up on the highwire.

"Wait, no, I changed my mind! I'm scared!" Taylor said a few steps up the ladder. It looked a lot higher the closer she was to it.

"You'll be fine," Ethan said.

"I'm not an air mage!" 

"But I am," Marcus said. "I'll keep you steady."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"And Ethan and I'll be down here to catch you if anything goes wrong," Camila said.

Taylor made a noise and looked back up to the top. She really wanted to try it, but she was really scared. 

"Promise?" she said again.

"We promise," Camila said. "Go up before I walk it instead."

Taylor climbed the ladder. She had never been on the tightrope before and she was super excited, but also very scared. But excited! But also scared. The emotions were battling it out, but excited had won by the time she made it to the top. Taylor could see everything from up there. She looked to Camila and Ethan, who had returned to their spots on the bleachers. Taylor could see the air mages below and above her. Their practice had turned into full blown play with very little attention being paid to routine. It wasn't often they had the ring to themselves and it's not like they could go out and fly in the city. 

Taylor froze at the edge of the little platform, but Marcus motioned for her to step forward.

"I got you, don't worry," he said.

Taylor hesitantly put a foot on the wire. Air blew at her from all sides and she nervously lifted her other foot off the platform. The pressure from the air was keeping her balanced. She took a step and looked to Camila and Ethan, who gave her a thumbs up. Taylor squealed with excitement and took two more steps. She walked all the way to the center of the rope and waved to Camila and Ethan. The air mages zipped and flew around her, their butterfly costumes even more mesmerizing in their natural play. They didn't seem to even notice Taylor. They were focused on chasing each other and spinning each other around. They were enjoying the freedom of the ring. 

Taylor looked to Marcus to make sure he was still watching and continued on down the rope. She almost made it to the other side. Another mage in purple wings was spinning hand in hand with someone in orange. The centrifugal force separated the two and the purple winged one was sent careening into Marcus. The wind stopped and Taylor lost her balance. By the time the air mages untangled themselves, Taylor was falling 30 feet to the ground.

* * *

"Marcus is really sorry and honestly it could have been worse!" Ethan struggled to keep up with Onyx and talk at the same time. "They got her last minute! Not fast enough, but she's alive! And isn't breaking bones like a childhood right of passage? Just please calm down!"

Onyx was furious. He tore his way through the circus grounds towards the ring with Ethan following behind. Ethan had ran to him, talking a mile a minute about something happening to Taylor. Onyx could barely understand his panicked chattering, but pulled a few choice words out from the mix. Taylor, fall, tightrope, do you know how to fix a broken leg? Of course he did. Broken bones were nothing to dark mages. Broken bones were basic annoyances to dark mages. 

Onyx threw open the doors to the circus tent. Taylor was sitting on the floor, sobbing. She was surrounded by twenty scared-looking air mages and Camila.

"Where the hell are the healers?" Onyx demanded. 

"William took most of them to the park for backup," Camila said. "Everyone else left circus grounds. We can't get ahold of any of them!"

One of the air mages stepped toward him. "We've tried-" 

"Move!" 

He quickly did as he was told. Onyx knelt down in front of Taylor. He couldn't explain it, but it hurt him to the deepest part of his core to see her in so much pain. To see her crying. He'd never in his life cared when someone else was in pain. Most of the time, he'd been the one to cause the trauma. Like any normal dark mage would, he translated his hurt into anger.

"What were you doing on the highwire?" Onyx demanded. "You're not an air mage! Were you trying to get yourself killed?"

"Onyx, stop! We told her to go up there!" Camila said. 

"And she agreed to! Taylor brought this on herself! This is her own fault!" 

"Don't you dare try to pin this on her!" the mage in the purple wings said. "I'm the one who crashed into Marcus! It would have been fine if-"

"It would have been fine if she didn't go up there in the first place!" Onyx yelled. 

"Which I encouraged her to do!" Camila shouted. "I promised her we would catch her and we didn't!"

"She wouldn't need catching if she had been smart enough to stay on the ground!"

Taylor's racking sobs worsened with every word. Ethan couldn't take it any more and screamed with tears in his eyes, "just shut up and fix her stupid leg!" 

All the mages fell silent. They were..._completely useless! _How can they not know how to set a broken bone? Was life in America so easy-going that they didn't know the most basic first aid? Onyx could tell just by looking exactly where the break was and how to fix it. He reached out, but Taylor shied away from him, trembling. 

"Taylor, you know we would never _ever _do anything to hurt you unless it was absolutley necessary," Onyx said, surprised to hear his own voice shaking. "I need to set the bone."

Taylor made a terrified, high pitched whine, but covered her eyes and stayed still. Onyx felt like he was mercy-killing a cherished family pet. The healers would do the same, but at least they'd be able to numb the leg first. He took a breath. 

Taylor's scream would haunt everyone in the room for weeks to come, but the relief she felt as soon as the bone was in its proper place was instant. They formed a makeshift splint to hold her over until the healers returned and carried her back to the cabin. Tyler went absolutely nuts when he saw the state his sister was in and Ethan had to physically drag him out of their room so she could rest. 

The air mages broke apart, no longer in the mood to play in the ring. A small handful of them left to collect the healers from the park. Camila refused to look at Onyx. She vanished as soon as Taylor was safe in her cabin. Once everything had settled down, Marcus pulled Onyx aside. 

"That was some reaction you had back there."

Onyx crossed his arms and huffed. The anger was slowly rising back up. "Yeah, well everything I said was true. It was stupid of her to go up there."

"It was not stupid because we promised her safety. She did nothing wrong. It was a freak accident that could have happened to anyone."

"If she couldn't stop herself from falling, she deserved it. All she had to do was balance."

"If she deserved it, then why are you so upset about it?"

"I'm not!" Onyx snapped. 

"You yelled at her. You yelled at Camila. If this is some sort of guilt thing-"

"Why would I feel guilty? I had nothing to do with it."

"That's right, you didn't have anything to do with it. You weren't even there. You weren't there to stop it. You weren't there to catch her. Do you feel bad you weren't there? Do you feel bad you couldn't prevent it?"

"It's not my job to protect you guys."

"It wasn't your job to set the bone, either, but you did," Marcus said. "We understand Britian was a bad place to be. We know you need to adopt some twisted mindsets in order to cope with life over there. We know it's easier to blame the victim than to carry the guilt, but you're in the Celestial Circus now and you need to drop that garbage now. Back where you're from, mages will get in a fight and hate each other until their dying day. We don't do that here. We forgive not only them, but ourselves. And if you keep blaming everyone else, you'll never learn to forgive yourself and you'll never be able to let go of that guilt. Do you understand?"

A memory flashed in Onyx's mind. For a minute, he was back in Britain, bleeding out on the floor from his first fight with Verus. The scene was replaced by Morden's look of disapproval when Onyx came to him, dying from the wounds his own force blade had made. Morden never treated him the same after that. It was Verus's fault. It was all his fault. It had to be his fault because if it wasn't, it would be his own. He couldn't forgive himself if he himself was the reason Morden disowned him. 

But that was the opposite of what he had learned. He'd been taught it was the fault of the victim for not being able to defend themselves. But every dark mage he knew did the same thing. If it was about them, it was someone else's fault. If it was about someone else, it was the individual's fault. Never had a dark mage taken responsibility for their own actions. Revenge wouldn't be such a common trend if they did.

Marcus spoke. "Go apologize to Taylor, go apologize to Camila, and go apologize to Ethan."

Apologize. That was going to be new.

"The air mages-"

"Don't worry about them. Fights break out all the time. They've probably forgotten already. The ones closest to you are the ones who will remember." 

Onyx sucked in a breath through his teeth. "What do I say?"

"Have you seriously never apologized before? Just say 'sorry' in as many words as you can. The apology isn't accepted until they smile. Good luck."

Marcus left Onyx to himself. 

Taylor seemed like the easiest option. The healer had just finished fixing her leg when Onyx came in. Taylor had her knees drawn to her chest and her head down in her arms. Her shoulders were shaking and Onyx could hear the quiet crying. 

"What's wrong? I thought the healer just fixed your leg."

Taylor didn't answer. _She's mad at me._ The thought sent a spike of guilt through his heart. _It's not my f- it is my fault. It's my fault and that's okay. _That didn't help at all. Maybe Marcus was right about his inability to forgive. 

"I'm sorry," Taylor choked out. "You hate me now." 

"What?" Onyx said, surprised.

"You hate me."

"No I don't!"

"I went on the thing," Taylor said between sobs. 

Pain. Pain. Nothing but pain! Onyx would have rather been fighting a hundred Verus's at that moment. 

"Look, forget what I said, okay? It's not your fault."

"Yes it is," Taylor cried.

_Just say sorry._ "No it's not." _Just say sorry._ "I didn't really mean it." _Okay, now say sorry._ "You didn't do anything wrong."_ Why is this so hard?_

"You hate me."

"I don't hate you." A pause. "And I'm sorry." Those words felt really weird to say. He couldn't remember the last time he said those words in that order. He didn't like it. 

Taylor raised her tear-stained face. "Promise?"

"Promise. And not like Camila's stupid promise where she didn't actually catch you."

That got a smile out of her. Apology accepted. Onyx went to find Camila.

He found Camila behind the cabins in the little area he had first seen her practice in. She was twirling two flaming rods, constantly putting them out with the speed and reigniting them with her magic. Marion was watching her and she gave Onyx an unamused look when he showed up.

"Don't you have a group of sickly orphans to laugh at?" Camila sneered. 

"They're not as funny as your face," Onyx said.

"But funnier than your comebacks," Marion said. "That's right, it's two against one now."

"I wanted to apologize. Wanted being past tense here."

Camila put out the flames and dropped the rods. "Except what you said was downright awful. You know what they told my dad when he was diagnosed with lung cancer? They said it was his fault because he smoked as a teenager. A _teenager! _He's in his sixties now! So when you come along and say something completely out of Taylor's control is her fault, I get pissed."

"Preach," Marion said. 

"You yelled at her in the time she needed you the most. You made everything worse and if I knew you were going to do that, I would have told Ethan to leave her there on the floor to wait for a healer to get back because that would have been less traumatic for her!"

"I'm sorry, okay? I have a lot of things I need to unlearn and I'll start with this!"

Marion and Camila exchanged glances. "Eat a leaf and we'll forgive you."

"Screw off."

Smiles. Apology accepted. Onyx left to find Ethan. 

Ethan was in their cabin, holding Chester's front feet and making the annoyed, but tolerant cat dance. Ethan smiled when Onyx came in. "Look at this. I didn't know Chester could dance. He's a natural." 

"You weirdo."

"Yes, but this weirdo has a dancing cat. Nadia and Thomas would be impressed."

"I'm sorry about earlier." The words seem to come out easier the more he said them.

Ethan smiled. "That's okay. Not everyone can be as patient as Chester."


	10. The Familiar Girl

It's been three weeks since Onyx started his training with William. He learned fast, a trait Morden always complimented. William decided that Onyx was ready to be in the ring and sent him to the fire and force mages to learn the choreography. Camila was very nervous at first, but Onyx proved himself to be fairly decent at keeping the flames away.

"So help me if you ruin my costume," Camila hissed to him in the backroom before showtime. The force and fire mages were huddled together by the door, waiting for their cue to go into the ring, while the other magic types talked quietly with the backstage crew to pass the time.

"Save it. Marion would kill me before you got the chance to."

At that moment, Marion appeared behind them, dressed in the long gown she wore in Taylor and Tyler's act that covered her famous doll clothes. "Onyx, it's your first time out there, right?"

"Yeah?"

He had expected some words of encouragement, but what he got was, "Don't ruin her costume."

"I'm not."

A nearby force user heard the conversation. "Oh, it is your first day, huh? It feels like you've been here forever. Want some advice?"

"Sure."

"Don't ruin the costume."

Onyx bristled. "I spent three weeks practicing with William. I can do this."

"I spent three weeks making her costume," Marion said. "Don't ruin it."

"Did you really?"

"No. Good luck out there."

Keeping the shield up through the routine was certainly difficult. He couldn't see the shield under Camila's outer layer, but he could feel the magic flowing away from him. In a ring full of distractions, he forced himself to remain focused on the shield and the routine. If he so much as glanced to the other mages, his power would falter and he'd have to bring it back up to full strength. Every second on stage was a nightmare, but he pushed through it. Camila's vibrant costume survived without single scorch mark and the audience was none the wiser to his struggle. 

"I've faced literal monsters that were less stressful than that," Onyx said on the upper deck catwalk after the show. "Is this how it's going to be forever?"

"The other mages have been doing it for years," Thomas said. He was leaning against the railing, watching the dwindling few people interact with the water mages in the tank. "It'll be second nature to you in no time. Where'd Camila go, anyway? I saw her take off as soon as you guys got off the stage."

"She got a phone call from her dad," Onyx said. "Something about a surgery."

"We're so proud of you!" The sudden voice behind him nearly made Onyx cut the wall open. Ethan threw his arms around Onyx and squeezed. "You did so great on your first day! Camila wasn't even burned!"

"Where have you been?" Thomas asked as Onyx pried the space mage off. "I thought you were going to leave me to move all the water back alone."

"I went to finished this." Ethan tossed Thomas a water bottle full of strangely colored liquid. "I've been working on it for three weeks now. Try it."

"I'm not brave enough," Thomas put the bottle down.

Onyx took it. "What is it?"

"Okay," Ethan said, "you know how you need the perfect ratio of drink powder to water to make it taste good? Well, I found the perfect ratio of _multiple_ drink powders and water to make the greatest juice ever. It's like drinking all the flavors at once!"

"You spent three weeks on this?"

"It was worth it! Try it!"

Onyx hesitantly took a sip. "It tastes like unicorn vomit."

"Which is a huge step up from regular vomit!" Ethan dropped his voice. "The secret ingredient is caffeine."

Onyx handed Ethan the drink back and returned to the rails. He noticed Luna weaving her way through the crowd, towing someone behind her. Between the height of the upper deck and the remaining crowd, he couldn't see her very well, but their speed implied urgency. They stopped to speak to William, who lead them to the backroom after a brief exchange.

"Taking us in like stray cats," Onyx muttered.

"Funny, we never used to recruit very often until now," Thomas said. "All the refugees from Britain are coming out of the woodwork. What's your story, anyway?"

"I don't have one."

"Sure you do," Thomas said. "I remember the first time we met. You looked nothing short of haunted. What made you leave London?"

Onyx just shook his head. "I'm going back down."

The healers did a good job on Taylor's leg. She and Tyler were walking around the water mages' tank like the fall had never happened. They smiled when they saw Onyx coming through. 

"You were so cool!" Tyler said. "I couldn't tell at all that you were new!"

"Where's Luna?" Onyx asked. "I saw her bring someone in."

"She's talking to Ringmaster William," Tyler said. "She's got another refugee from Britain."

"She's a _normal," _Taylor said like it was the most interesting thing to be. 

"And they'll take her in?" Onyx asked.

"They'll find something for her to do." Taylor and Tyler grinned at him. "Want to go say hi? We need an excuse to meet her."

* * *

Selene was absolutley cold-blooded. When Luna made the call and explained her plan, Selene agreed right away. She had been staring death in the eyes ever since she was first taken off the streets by Morden so many years ago. She had been tortured, hurt, and shattered to the point where she no longer feared her demise. Now that she was recovering from her previous traumatic life, anger boiled deep inside her heart. She would gladly die if it meant revenge. She would grab hold of whatever enemy should could and jump headfirst into the fire, pulling them down with her. Onyx was the last one standing from that mansion and she wanted to be the one to make him fall. 

"I hope the circus mages kill him," was the first thing she said when she met Luna outside the circus grounds. "I hope they see what he's really like and put him down like a dog."

Kyle and Cinder had not been happy about the plan. Luna reassured them that she would always be with another circus member and never alone unprotected. The murder in Selene's eyes and their own want for revenge was enough to convince them to let her go. 

Standing in the backroom with Ringmaster William and Nadia, Luna finally understood how Selene had managed to stay alive as long as she did. She was an amazing actress. The fire still burned in her eyes, but her demeanor was warm, polite. She spoke softly. She gave them bits and pieces of her story, enough to bring them to her side, but not enough to reveal her intentions. She didn't mention Onyx. She wanted to draw this process out for as long as possible not only for her own satisfaction, but to make sure they'll believe her when the bomb drops. 

"I'm so sorry you had to go through all that!" Nadia said. "I've heard some bad stories about London, but this beats them all."

"Thank you," Selene said. "I just don't know where I'd be if it weren't for Luna bringing me here."

"You'll never have to worry about your safety here," William said. "The circus never sleeps. There will always be someone there."

The door to the backroom creaked open and Taylor and Tyler stepped inside with excited smiles on their faces. Luna suppressed a smirk. Where the kids were, Onyx wasn't far behind. 

Onyx's face turned sheet white the second he saw Selene standing in the middle of the mages. She gave him the cruelest, smuggest, smile that could easily have been a threat all by itself. He knew who she was and she knew he knew. For the first time in her life, she held the cards. And she was going to use them to make his life hell. 

"Hi!" Taylor and Tyler chirped. 

"You must be Taylor and Tyler. Luna's told me all about you." Selene's eyes found their way to Onyx again. _She told me about all your friends, _they seemed to say, _an__d how much it would hurt you to lose them._

"Everyone," William said, "I'd like to introduce you to Selene. Selene, you've met the twins. This over here is Onyx, a recent up and comer of ours from Britain."

"That name sounds familiar." She was already setting the stage for the big reveal. "From London?"

Onyx couldn't answer. He couldn't lie. He couldn't agree. Anything he said could trigger the truth. 

"Yeah! All the way from London!" Taylor and Tyler said, oblivious to Onyx's discomfort. "Are you from there, too? Do you know him? Did you get imprisoned by evil mages together? Cellmate reunion?" 

Selene shrugged, "I'm sure it'll come back to me. Ringmaster, can Nadia show me around?"

"Wait," Onyx said, "I can-"

"Can we come?" Tyler asked. "I can show you where I lost a tooth."

"It's the most interesting story he has to offer," Taylor said. "Humor the poor boy."

"I'd love to see," Selene said. "And yes, Onyx, please come with us. I'm sure it'll help jog my memory."

Onyx took the hint and got out immediately.


	11. Mercy

The fear and devastation in Onyx's eyes almost made Selene's years in the mansion worth it. She made sure to greet every mage in the circus. She lived for the panic in his face when she held a brief conversation with the ones closest to him. She made a point to steal a glance in his direction every so often while she talked, adding to his terror. She knew what he was thinking. _Is she telling? Did she tell? _

Every second Selene was on circus grounds was anguish for Onyx. He tried to stay nearby to hear what she was saying, but she'd call him over to join them, with the implication of sudden memory resurgance, if he got too close. He was terrified. He kept expecting one of the circus crew to suddenly turn on him or attack him. If Marcus had been willing to scold him just for yelling at Taylor after her fall, how much further would he go if he learned what really horrible things Onyx had done in the past? How far would any of them go? Would they question him first? Would they believe him?

A group of air mages were coming towards him. Onyx felt his heartbeat in his throat and he tensed as they walked forward. They passed right by him with a polite nod. Onyx let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. He had to do something about Selene.

That night at dinnertime in the circus tent, Taylor and Tyler rushed to Onyx as he was coming in, and he recoiled. Taylor had a pamphlet in her hand and she thrust it out to Onyx, oblivious to his guilty demeanor.

"From today's show!" Tyler said. 

Onyx hesitantly opened it, expecting some sort of "I know what you did" note, but instead found general circus information. 

"What is..?" Onyx's voice trailed off. 

"Right there," Taylor pointed to a page where the cast was listed. "Something look familier?" 

Onyx's ability to focus had flown out the window with his sense of security. The only thing on his mind was Selene and the dirt she had on him. "What?"

"Your name is there!" Tyler said. "You're officially one of us! People will know who you are!"

"Oh."

Tyler grinned. "Don't just say 'oh'! All your dreams are coming true! There's your name! Might as well be in lights!"

"You'll get interviews!" Taylor said. "People will ask for autographs and they'll take pictures with you!"

Onyx didn't have the words to respond. He would have been celebrating had it not been for Selene. She was going to take all of this from him. He was finally getting somewhere with the circus and she was going to snatch it away. She didn't even have the decency to do it quickly. 

"That's great." He forced out the words. 

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. Just... where's the new girl? Selene?"

"She's sitting at our normal spot," Taylor said. "She's really cool. And she has some really scary stories."

Onyx felt his heartrate skyrocket. "Stories?"

"It's so sad, but so interesting," Taylor said. "Apparently, she was a slave to some big shot mage, and he had an apprentice that-" 

Onyx listened with dread as Taylor and Tyler started listing off the things he had personally done to Selene. Every word was a dagger in his heart. Hearing the crimes he committed coming from Taylor and Tyler's mouths cut him deep. It was like they were reading his charges while he was on trial for his life. Morden had been the one to protect the slaves and make sure Onyx didn't cross the line with them. When Morden left, Onyx had used his newfound freedom to beat Selene close to death. He had worked the slaves until they passed out from exhaustion, then imprisoned them for doing so. He had starved them for no reason other than wanting them to beg him for help. He had killed Selene's best friend Lisa right in front of her. He was a monster. 

"That's so sad, right?" Taylor ended the list. "Like, how can people do that, you know?"

Onyx couldn't speak. He couldn't look at them. His eyes wandered to his group of friends, the only friends he ever truly had, and saw Selene sitting with them, talking and laughing like she's known them for years. Her eyes met his and the smile turned cold and knowing. She was feeding them information little by little. Onyx had to silence her somehow and he had to do it soon. 

* * *

Midnight. Ethan, Thomas, and the kids were asleep. Marion was in her costume room and Camila was outside with Luna and Selene. Onyx lay awake in his bed, the anxiety growing with every breath he took. Selene was smart. She never let herself be alone. She never let herself be an easy target. 

He was thinking like a dark mage again. He hated himself. He hated himself for the terrible things he did in the past and here he was planning to do them all over again. This will be the last time, he swears, then something else will come up and he'll do it again. Then again. Then again. It'll never stop. He was a nightmare. He would add to the list of terrible things Taylor and Tyler will speak of. He was adding to the reasons why he didn't deserve the love of the circus crew. 

Onyx felt the movement in the room and he bolted upright. He could barely make out Luna's form in the darkness.

"I can't sleep," Luna whispered. "I keep thinking about what Selene said."

Panic. "What did she say?"

Luna shook her head. She couldn't afford any mistakes now. If they were going to expose Onyx, everything had to be perfect. "Just her stories. I had to get away."

"Why did you come here?" Onyx asked. "Everyone's asleep."

Luna bristled. This wasn't the way the conversation was supposed to go. Selene was alone and he had to know it. "I was looking for Marion to talk to her. I had to get away from Selene for a while. Her past is pretty bad."

"Where's Camila? She was with you guys."

"She got pulled away by Ringmaster William. Selene said she was going to tell her something pretty serious. I think they're going to meet later by the lake in the park. You know, the one Nadia said they first met you at? But William and Camila will be busy for a while, I'm sure. Selene might have to wait for a long time."

"I didn't think William stayed up this late."

_Do I have to spell it out for you? _Luna thought. _She's by herself! She's alone! No witnesses! She's going to tell on you if you don't do something! _"Selene had something really important to tell Camila. I wonder what is is."

The information finally clicked together in Onyx's head and he felt the color drain from his face. Satisfied, Luna offered a brief goodbye and left him alone to make his choice. He waited thirty seconds after the door closed behind her before rushing out into the night. 

* * *

The park was deserted. Selene sat alone by the water's edge, taking deep, slow breaths to calm her nerves. As far as she was concerned, her life had ended the moment Onyx took over the mansion. She was on borrowed time. What better way to spend it than on a final act of revenge? Selene had told Camila everything. She told her in great detail the atrocities Onyx and his lackeys had committed. She told her about his Chosen status and his feud with Alex. She told her about the slaughter and the rescue at the mansion. Camila didn't want to believe it. She wanted Selene to be lying, but Luna backed the story up. 

"He's changed," Camila had said, desperately grasping at what little hope she had left in him.

"He's fooling you," Selene replied. "People don't change that quickly, especially not people like him."

Camila paced the floor and chewed her fingernails to the pink. "Maybe he did. Maybe he just needed a few good influences."

Selene breathed in the crisp air, clearing the memory from her head. She was more than willing to die for this. With her murder would come the proof. 

A cold wind picked up and Onyx shuddered against the current. He had enough presence of mind to get dressed before coming out there, but not enough to wear something warm. Selene was by the lake's shore, her back to him, completely unaware, completely vulnerable. 

Selene had no magic to defend herself, yet Onyx was still frightened. He couldn't bring himself to approach her. Images flashed in his mind, uncontrollable and persistent. Camila and Marion's expressions when they hear what Onyx had done. Ethan's innocent persona replaced with a bitter attitude brought on by the betrayal from someone he trusted. Taylor and Tyler crying when they hear of Selene's passing. Ringmaster William's look of hurt when he finds out the one he had so much faith in, the one he wanted to protect, turned out to be the very thing he wanted to protect people from. 

Onyx shook the thoughts away. No one was here. No one would know. He'd get away with it. He would stay in their family. He would remain their friend. He would be-

A fraud. He'd be a liar. He was already living a lie by hiding his past, but he could have at least justified it to himself by saying he changed. If he went through with this, there would be no more justification. There would be no more doubt. He would still be the same Onyx who was cast away from Morden. He would be the same Onyx who lost a cabal of people because he couldn't let go of a grudge against Alex. He would truly be the person who would never fit in with the purity of the Celestial Circus. He would never belong to them and he would know it, even if no one else did. 

Selene expected a lot of things that night. She expected a knife in her back. She expected a force blade through her head. She expected Onyx to hold her under the water until her breathing stopped. What she didn't expect was for him to speak. 

"Selene?" His voice was quiet, almost taken away by the breeze. 

Was he so stupid he forgot what a surprise attack was? Selene ignored him and continued staring at the water like she hadn't heard him. 

"Selene?" Slightly louder this time, though not by much.

"So you remember?" Selene said. "I certainly do."

Selene had given Luna a note with everything to say to Kyle and Cinder. She would have written a will had she owned anything. She wasn't afraid anymore. She controlled when she died and she controlled the consequences that would rise from it. He had no power anymore. All he had to do was strike. 

But he didn't. 

"You can't tell anyone what happened back in London," he said.

Selene rose to her feet and turned, looking him dead in the eyes. "Or what?"

The breeze was the only thing breaking the deafening silence. 

"I don't want to lose them," Onyx said. "I know I've done some really bad things in the past, but I don't want to be that person anymore. I want to be someone worth the Celestial Circus."

"All I hear is me me me," Selene snapped. "What about what I want? What about all the pain you caused me? What about Lisa and the other slaves? Where's their justice? Why should you be allowed to run around free and happy while they're either dead or forever scarred by the trauma you caused them?"

"I can't do anything for them," Onyx said. "They're already away from me. If I could change the past, I would, but I can't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything."

"Sorry's not going to cut it! You want to know what you can do? Suffer! Suffer like they did!"

"Me losing the circus crew isn't going to erase what happened to the slaves! Me getting hurt or dying isn't going to make their lives any easier!"

"It'll make me feel better, that's for sure!" _Kill me already! Give them an excuse to take you down! "_You don't deserve to be happy! You don't deserve mercy!"

Selene took a step forward and to her surprise, Onyx took a step back. 

"What are you waiting for?" Selene demanded. "Silence me! Shut me up!"

"No."

"If you don't, I'll go back to the circus. I'll run right to the ringmaster and tell him everything. I'll tell those two little kids who follow you around all the time, too. They'll hate you!" Selene took another step forward and Onyx retreated.

"Stop it!"

"I'll tell everyone! They'll kick you out! Maybe they'll turn you in to the council or kill you themselves! I don't care! Do something about it! Stop me!"

"Get away from me!" 

"Selene, that's enough!" Camila's voice.

Onyx's heart dropped. The darkness had shrouded Camila from view and she emerged from her hiding spot by a tree. Onyx had no words, but Camila wasn't looking at him. She was looking at Selene.

"No!" Selene cried, tears springing from her hate-filled eyes. "It's not _fair! _I've suffered all of my life because of him! I lost my best friend because of him! He killed people! He tortured us! And you're just going to accept him because he didn't kill me?"

"Selene, I'm sorry about what you had to go through," Camila spoke softly, pleading with her to calm down. "No one should ever have to experience that, but-"

"But nothing! He doesn't deserve the circus!"

Onyx stepped back as Camila came to stand beside him. "What...what did she tell you?"

"She told me everything," she said.

"I.."

"This is _wrong!" _Selene yelled. "You're just as screwed up in the head as he is if you think-"

"We gave him a chance and he passed it," Camila said. "He had every opportunity to silence you and he didn't. If that's not change, I don't know what is."

"This isn't fair!" Selene cried. "You know what he did! I told you everything he did! You can't take him back!"

_This was a setup. _The realization dawned on Onyx as Camila moved to stand between him and Selene. _She wanted me to kill her. She wanted me to prove to the circus that I was still evil. _

Onyx heard the soft steps of someone walking on the grass. He turned to see Luna standing in the open, eyes locked on Selene. She had been hiding as well. 

"Selene, this was a mistake," Luna said, hugging herself to keep the cold wind at bay. "We shouldn't have-"

"Shut up!" Selene snapped. "Shut up! You have no right! You did the same thing Camila just did!"

Luna flinched, heat rising to her face. "What? I would never!"

"Really? You'd _never? _What about the Nightstalkers? Alex admitted to your face what he did to Katherine, and you still stuck around! You're a hypocrite!"

"That's different! He..." _He changed? Onyx doesn't change. Alex did, but Onyx wouldn't, right? But... that's what Kyle and Will thought about Alex, too..._

Selene kicked the dirt at her feet. "I can't even stand you right now! You guys want that psychopath, fine! But this isn't over!"

Selene stormed away and it wasn't long before the darkness swallowed her. Camila slowly turned to Luna. "What was she talking about?"

Luna's eyes widened as she processed what had just been said. She faced Onyx. She could tell from his expression that he suddenly remembered where they've met before. 

"You brought Selene here," Onyx said. "You planned this. Hasn't Verus taken enough from me?"

"Alex didnt send me, I swear. This was a coincidence." Luna looked down to her feet. "I wanted to get away from it all...but I brought it with me instead. I ruined it. I ruined the one place I can feel normal at." She shook her head. "Camila, I'm sorry. I...I have to go."

Luna took off. Camila and Onyx made no move to stop her. The silence returned and the only movement was the ripples in the lake caused by the midnight breeze.

Everything was in the open now. There were no more secrets. Onyx was devastated.

"Camila..."

Camila threw her arms around him, tears pouring from her eyes. "I never would have forgiven you if you killed her!" She sniffed. "You know we won't hate you, right? You know even the kids and Ethan would forgive you, don't you? You know the circus would never throw you out? You know we all love you, right?"

It took all Onyx's willpower not to break down completely. He ached for what was almost lost. He hurt for what was. He cried for his broken relationship with Morden. He cried for the failure of a chosen he was. He cried because he still wanted to prove himself to his old master even though he knew it was wrong. He cried because the Celestial Circus valued him more than Morden ever would. They would never abandon him like Morden did. 

Onyx took a deep breath to compose himself as Camila sobbed into his shoulder. 

"Why are you crying so much?" he said.

Camila wiped her eyes and forced a small laugh. "Just happy you passed the test."

"What's the real reason?"

Camila sniffed and released him from the embrace. She started to speak, then stopped. After a long moment of silence, Camila said with a shuddered breath, "It's my dad. The cancer spread fast. He's dying."


	12. The Truth

Both Camila and Onyx hoped the other person's news would overshadow theirs. Onyx was not looking forward to telling Ringmaster William his past and Camila did not want to tell him she would be leaving the circus. They woke up early to avoid their friends and skipped breakfast to work up the nerve to speak to William. Onyx had to admit suffering with another person was much better than doing it alone. 

"It's completely reasonable," Camila said. "My mom needs help and I want to be with my dad for the last few months he has. That's understandable."

"I was bad before, sure, but I'm better now," Onyx said. "And it's not like I purposely hid anything. He didn't ask and I didn't bring it up."

"So reasonable."

"Perfectly."

Neither of them moved to find William. 

"This is a nightmare," Camila said. "Look, you tell him your story first, then I'll tell him mine after."

"So I get the worst of his reaction? No. You first."

"Your news is worse than mine! If you go first, my news will soften the blow."

"And if you go first, my news will make your news not seem so bad."

"Then we'll flip a coin. Heads, you go first. Tails, I go second." 

"Marion already taught me that trick," Onyx said and Camila scowled. "Heads you go first, tails I go first."

"Fine."

Camilla launched the coin. Onyx could hear his heartbeat in his ears as it came down. Camila fumbled for it, dropped it, and together they watched it roll around the floor before coming to a stop on heads.

Camilla went pale. "I didn't catch it, so it doesn't count."

"It counts."

"You're coming with me. He's probably in his office, so you wait outside and as soon as I leave you go in."

Onyx muttered a swear, but didnt have an excuse to be away. The walk to the circus tent felt miles long and every person they passed felt like a hostile jury. They ignored the beckoning gestures from their friends in the ring and made their way to the back, past Marion's workshop, and to the door of William's office. Camila knocked quietly and after a few moments of petrified silence, it opened. 

"Camila! Onyx! Good afternoon! We missed you at breakfast. Is everything alright?"

Their voices caught in their throats. 

William continued, blissfully unaware. "Have you seen Luna and Selene around by any chance? I figured you'd all be together when you didn't show up this morning."

Onyx couldn't take it. He turned without a word and headed back towards the ring, pretending he couldn't feel Camila's betrayed look burning through his back. 

The other force mages invited Onyx to practice their routines, but he used Camila's absence as an excuse not to. He didn't want to do anything except hide, but he had to look busy or else one of his friends might try to talk to him. He'd probably have a breakdown if Ethan or one of the twins approached him. Across the ring, Nadia was running Obsidian through an obstacle course. Onyx watched with amazement as the snow horse weaved and jumped flawlessly through every trial. He conjured up his own, nameless horse, it's body so dense with force magic that it's bridle felt solid when Onyx took the reigns. 

"Let me ride!" Tyler's voice startled Onyx so badly he almost shattered the horse. "You've gotten so much better and I want to be the first to ride him!"

"No, I'll drop you," Onyx said.

"No you won't! I've seen you working with Ringmaster William! Your horse is so much better now! You won't drop me!"

Onyx hesitated. His horse was no Obsidian, but he was realistic enough now to pass as a live animal. The last time he trained with William, he missed a sharp turn and nearly broke one of the walls surrounding the ring with the horse's head. William had been so proud that Onyx was able to hold the horse together even with the resounding THUD as it hit. Surely it would be able to hold a person.

"Alright, but if it starts feeling weak, you bail."

"Got it!" 

Onyx boosted Tyler up on the horse and told him to hold tight. He started the run too fast, then slowed the pace to where Tyler wasn't going to fall off. It was a good way to keep his mind off his future meeting with William and off what Camila was going through. He probably shouldn't have left her alone. He would have been pissed if she left during his confession. She had asked him to wait outside. Still-

Tyler bailed. He slid off the horse mid run and ran off to safety. "Onyx!" Tyler called, upset, motioning to the significantly more transparent horse.

"Sorry, I-"

"Camila," Onyx's heartrate skyrocketed at the sound of William's voice right next to him. "Do you mind helping Tyler back up? I need to aid Onyx a bit."

The color was coming back to Camila's face, and she shook like someone who just got out of a very stressful situation, but her expression was unreadable. She breezed past Onyx and helped Tyler back into the crystalized force saddle, then turned and left the circus tent in a rush. 

"Remember to keep your breathing steady," William said. "If you control your breathing, you control your mind. You control your mind, you control your magic."

Onyx swallowed his emotions and did as he was told. For the next twenty minutes, they trained like nothing was wrong. William gave him little tweaks and changes and Onyx kept himself composed through most of it. Finally, Tyler dismounted and the horse disintegrated into nothing. 

"Taylor's going to be so jealous." Tyler smirked.

"Why don't you go find her?" Ringmaster William said. "I need to speak with Onyx."

An unquiet memory stirred. Onyx always listened to Morden's commands, assuming he was there to enforce them. Breaking rules behind his master's back was a hobby at that point. He knew there were some lines he couldn't cross, most of them involving Morden directly, but for everything else Onyx was free to do as he pleased with very little consequence. 

One crisp fall morning, Morden had discovered a wound on an apprentice belonging to a mage he had been working with for the last two weeks. It was a big one, starting at the upper right shoulder and ending just below his waist on the left side. The apprentice wouldn't say how he got it, but his eagerness to avoid Onyx during the meetings at all cost tipped Morden off. 

"I asked him," Onyx had said, carelessly tossing a force blade to himself in one of Morden's many living rooms. "I was even nice about it, but he wouldn't. Said he only listened to his master. I wasn't going to let him disrespect us like that, so I taught him a lesson."

Morden sighed and leaned against an antique desk covered in paperwork. "I believe I did say I'd prefer if you were at least a little hospitable to the other apprentices."

"If he wants to be pampered, he's in the wrong line of business." 

Morden hardly considered not being attacked for refusing a request to be pampered, but he didn't press the subject any further. 

"I'm sure it would benefit you to make connections rather than burn bridges," Morden said. "We don't know who these apprentices will grow up to be."

Onyx shrugged. "They could grow up to be nobodies. Why would I waste time being nice to a nobody?"

And that was the end of it. That's how it went. Morden would ask something, Onyx would disobey, they'd go back and forth and Morden would drop it. Looking back, Onyx knew Morden had been trying to lead him in the right direction, to grow as a person as well as a mage. Onyx couldn't believe it took being abandoned for him to realize where he was going wrong, but he also couldn't believe just how little Morden pushed him. How easily Morden gave up. He remembered when Marcus pulled him aside after Taylor's fall. He shot down everything Onyx tried to say and forced him to make amends. There were no, "I would like you to"s or "I wish you would"s. Marcus had demanded because Marcus actually cared. He cared about Onyx's relationships and keeping the peace at the circus. If there was one thing Marcus had taught him, it was what Morden really cared about. Himself, his property, and his reputation. Those were the only things he would punish Onyx for damaging. Those were the only things he would raise his voice for. It was no skin off Morden's nose if his co-worker's apprentice was harmed by his own. Why would he care if a replaceable slave was killed? What was it to him if Onyx didn't turn out right? Why would Morden care if Onyx came home bloody and dying from his first fight with Verus? Onyx didn't fear punishment from Morden because Morden didn't care enough to punish, but the circus people...they cared. He doubted they would physically hurt him, but he feared their rejection more than anything.

Onyx followed William back to the office. More than anything he wished he had stayed for Camila because he would have killed to have her waiting right outside the door for him. William took a seat and motioned for Onyx to do the same, but he remained standing. 

"Camila said you wanted to tell me something? Is everything okay?"

_Tears? I don't cry. Crying is for weak children. _Yet his eyes stung nonetheless. He kept them in, but barely.

William noticed the brightness in his eyes and returned to him a worried look. "Onyx, whatever is wrong you can tell me. I'm here to help you. I've always been here."

Onyx had no idea how to start, but he had to say something. Anything. 

"Has Selene told you what she went through? Back in London?"

"Of course, the poor thing."

"It was me," he choked the words out. "I was Morden's Chosen. I was the one who did it all. I did more than she even knew. I'm the evil you wanted to protect me from. I was never an innocent. I didn't leave Britain because of the dark mages; I was one of them. I left because Morden didn't want me anymore. I didn't-"

"Hey, breathe."

Onyx inhaled a deep, shuddering breath. 

"I know," William said.

"You...?"

"I didn't know for sure, of course, but I had a suspicion. We've taken in a fair number of refugees from Britain and the one thing they all had in common was a broken demeanor and a refusal to stay in the circus for long."

"Why?" Onyx's head was reeling. His nerves were ready to floor him and he could barely process what William was saying."Taylor and Tyler said no one's ever refused the circus."

"They might have been exaggerating a little. We all do sometimes. But when you're that mistreated by the magical society, it makes sense that you wouldn't want to hang around with magical people. In most cases, we'd help them back on their feet and offer a home at the circus, but they'd prefer to go their own way once they were stable enough to leave. Occasionally they'd need protection and I'd either buy or seize their safety. They were timid, constantly walking on eggshells and worried about offending us. No matter how much we reassured them, they still held the fear. It takes time to overcome, I'm sure. You, however, walked like you owned the place. You had no problems speaking your mind regardless of who may be offended. You were comfortable around magic and even picked a fight with Camila after Taylor's fall. Those aren't the actions of someone who had been abused by dark mages."

"If you knew all along, why didn't you kick me out? Weren't you worried I'd start trouble?"

"A little, but you've proved very early to be amicable."

"What if I wasn't?" Onyx asked. "What if I did want to hurt someone? What if I came here looking for mages to drag back to Britain?"

"I would have dealt with you."

"How though? You have no idea what the mages in Britain are capable of! Don't you care about the circus crew's safety? Any one of them could be a target! Your mages are strong, but they've never been in a fight in their lives! They didn't even know how to set a bone! What could you do if someone comes looking to hurt them? Or to hurt a refugee?"

William studied Onyx for a long while before rising to his feet. Onyx stepped back, but William only brushed by him to open the door. He called a nearby mage over.

"Are the air mages practicing right now? Do you mind telling them to land for me? Just for a few minutes." 

William closed the door, locked it, and returned to his seat. 

"Believe it or not, but you're not the first person to ask me that," William said. "I tell them I have my ways and they accept it, but I suppose you wouldn't take that for an answer. Not after all you've seen."

"No, I wouldn't," Onyx said. 

"Understandable. Well, you're going to be the first person in the Celestial Circus to find out how I keep the refugees safe. How I managed to shake even the most persistant pursuers."

Something drained out of Onyx. He would never find the worst to properly describe the sensation. The world suddenly looked a lot less colorful and Onyx felt significantly more exposed and helpless. It was as if something had sucked the life out of the room, leaving absolutley not trace of what was taken behind. He had never felt this way before and he instinctively tried to being up a shield only to realize he couldn't. His magic did not work. His magesight did not work. Every magical object in William's office was now dead and ordinary. There was no magic here, not in him, not in the items, not in the air. 

A confused din emerged from outside, muffled by the thick office door. They turned to shouts of panic as the circus crew tried desperately to summon their powers back and failing. Onyx was terrified. No dampener, however strong, had ever been able to kill the magic like William did. William was just sitting there looking as normal as normal could be. He didn't look like he was putting any effort into what he was doing, yet somehow he crippled everyone and everything inside the circus tent. 

Finally, William stopped. The drained feeling in Onyx disappeared as his powers slowly returned to him. The magical items in the office came back to life. The panicked chatter from outside turned to relieved confusion. The air felt vibrant again as the magic came back. Onyx let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. 

"How did you do that?" Onyx said with a shaking voice. 

William shrugged. "The same way you bring up your force blades. I just do this. This is my magic. My magic is to cancel out magic. Though, I must say I'm very proud of the distance radius it has."

"That's how you've been protecting people. You make mages normals."

"That's usually enough to scare them off, but sometimes I have to fight a bit further. Mages are far too reliant on magic these days. They're easy to beat when they forget shields don't work anymore and they can't just blast me away. That's why I wasn't afraid of leaving you alone with my circus crew. Because if you tried anything, I'd take your magic away and bring you down."

Onyx had no illusions how well he'd fare without his magic. Especially when he had no other weapon or defense. 

"Why do you do this?" Onyx asked. "Why do you help people? With your magic, you could be having mages in Britain on their knees. You could rule."

Ringmaster William shrugged. "I never really cared for power. I'd rather people cheer for me than fear me."

"But _why?_"

"I guess it all started a ways back. Back before the Celestial Circus was even a thought. I was maybe in my early twenties and my then fiancè, now wife, had a classmate in college. She was the sweetest girl I've ever met, but she fell for someone who wasn't very great. Not two weeks after their wedding we began to notice bruises on her arms. He blackened her eye on more than one occasion. She was too scared to leave and finally me and my fiancé decided enough was enough. We brought her home, cleaned up her cuts, and offered to let her stay as long as she needed."

"Your first rescue," Onyx said.

"No." William's eyes were full of pain. "She went back to him. He promised the world to her for her forgiveness and she did. It was fine for a while, then the beatings resumed. Again, we took her back, cleaned her wounds, offered to let her stay, and even tried to get her to phone the police. And again, she went back to him."

"Why would anyone be so stupid?"

"Humans are strange creatures and we may never know the reasoning."

"There's no reason to that."

"What would you do," William said, "if Morden found you here. If Morden returned with open arms saying he was sorry for abandoning you and he wanted you back by his side as his right hand man and he'd never leave you again? Would you go back to him?"

Onyx felt a rush of hope and pain course through his blood at once. "I...I wouldn't."

"You hesitated."

Onyx wanted more than anything for Morden to come back. For Morden to consider him valuable and worthy. For Morden to want him more than he wanted Alex.

"I wouldn't," Onyx lied. "He's terrible."

"I can hear the lie in your voice, Onyx." William said. "It's okay. We dont always want what's best for us. Anyway, that day I realized you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. I can't go to Britain and kidnap away all the slaves and mistreated adepts. They would eventually find their ways back. I could only help those who come to me. Those who want help badly enough to seek it. People like Selene or you."

"Me?"

"Just because you weren't a victim doesn't mean you don't need saving. You were going down the wrong path, and now you're on the right one. I'd consider that just as much a win as I would helping someone like Selene."

"Thank you," Onyx said. And he meant it. "So what about Camila?"

"What about her?" William asked. 

"Her news?" William looked confused. "What she said when she was in here?"

"We just made small talk for a while and then she told me you wanted to tell me something."

Onyx gaped. "The coward! The slimely little rodent! No wonder she left so quickly!"

"What's going on?"

"We need to go find Camila because she also has something to tell you." 


End file.
